A Wreath of Roses
by DuncanIdaho2014
Summary: Soulmark AU! At a young age, Haruhi's father wins the lottery. Freed from the burden of financial worries, Haruhi grows into a strong, confident gender-queer woman. When she gets to Ouran, she has a run in with the Host Club, and finds herself drawn into their melodramatic world. Why does she feel such a connection to these six men? Can she have met her soulmates at last?
1. Chapter 1

**This was sitting in my docs for months. I finally dusted off the moth balls and finished it off. Not sure it will be worth it in the end, but we'll see, I suppose. Hope there even is a fandom for this series, still. Enjoy!**

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Fujioka Haruhi, age 12, opened the door to the apartment she'd lived in since she was born. She managed to turn the deadbolt with her elbow, her arms occupied with the groceries she'd bought earlier. Some might find it odd that a young girl was the one doing the grocery shopping, but Haruhi had been doing it since she was six. When her mother died, she had stepped up to take over all the household chores and duties. Since her father had to work enough to support them all by himself, she saw it as the least she could do to lessen the burden of supporting the family that fell on his shoulders.

She slipped out of her shoes and walked over to the kitchen to drop the bags. She put things away calmly and efficiently. That done and all the prep work for dinner already done before she left for school that morning, she started on her homework. Haruhi didn't think she was more or less intelligent than the average student. She attributed her straight A's to a strong work ethic and study schedule, nothing more. By the time she'd finished all her assignments and double-checked them to be sure, the sun was going down.

Standing up to stretch after sitting down so long, she heard the door open.

"Welcome home, Dad," she called out.

"Haruhi! I have some exciting news!" shouted her father, exuberant as always.

She smiled fondly as he slipped out of his high heels. She had no problem with the fact her father dressed like a woman and flirted with other men for a living. He enjoyed doing it and it payed the bills. That's all that mattered to her. Thankfully, the neighbors were pretty open-minded, so she hadn't endured much teasing for it growing up. Even when she had, she'd weathered it with the knowledge that only her feelings and her dad's were the ones that mattered. If other people had a problem with it, that was their problem, not hers.

"Haruhi, Haruhi! I entered the lottery! I bought a ticket on my way home from work! It's the Jumbo Draw! It's super big this year! The first prize total payout is 12 billion yen! We're going to be rich!"

She narrowed her eyes. "Dad, you know I don't like it when you buy lottery tickets."

"Oh, Haruhi, I wish you'd stop worrying so much about money! It was pocket change, really. And even if we don't win first prize there're still millions of other prizes. It's all good fun, all good fun!"

She sighed. "Whatever, Dad,"

"Wah! You're upset! I'm sorry, Haruhi! Daddy's sorry! Please forgive me, precious daughter!"

Haruhi spat out some of her dad's long red hair that had gotten in her mouth. She always wondered how she could be so level-headed when her Dad was swept like a leaf in the storm of his own emotions. And from what she remembered, her Mom had been pretty high-energy too. Sometimes she thought that she'd been forced to grow up too soon and wasn't allowed to be so emotional and childish. But maybe it was like what they were learning in Math class, about how a negative multiplied by a negative made a positive. No, that wasn't right. If anything, she was the negative and both her parents were positives. Hmm, maybe it was more like magnets. Like repelling like. Both of her parents had submitted raucous natures when making her, and they had driven each other away leaving her with nothing.

She felt her shoulder get wet and realized her Dad had worked himself to tears. With an affectionate eye-roll, she reached up to give him a comforting hug. "It's okay, Dad. I'm not mad. I hope you win."

Ryouji, aka 'Ranka', stopped his blubbering and looked into his daughter's smiling face like it was the sun. Then he threw his arms in the air. "Yes! Thank you, Haruhi! Now that you approve, I'm definitely going to win! You're Daddy's number-one good luck charm!"

Sometimes, Haruhi swore there was a sign following behind her father declaring him as a 'super-doting parent' to the world. There might as well have been, he was so obvious about the fact his world revolved around her.

"I'm going to make dinner. You watch TV or something, relax from your day."

"Sure thing, Haruhi! In fact, I think the drawing's on soon. I need to tune in and see how much money we're going to get."

Haruhi retreated to the kitchen, the television acting as background noise as she went through the familiar motions. When she was done, she set the table and called out "Dad! Dinner's ready!"

There was no response.

Turning, Haruhi saw her dad was sitting stock-still in front of their tiny TV set. He was holding up his ticket, his hands shaking the faintest bit.

She put her hand on his shoulder. "Dad? Are you okay?"

As if coming from a trance, he jerked up to look at her. His mascara was still smudgy from his earlier freak out, but now it was running down his cheeks like waterfalls. "We… We won."

Haruhi blinked. "Dad?"

"We won, Haruhi. First prize. See for yourself."

Haruhi looked between the ticket clutched in her dad's fingers and the colorful numbers emblazoned along the bottom of the screen. It was an exact match.

Haruhi's eyes widened. "That means…"

"WE'RE RICH! WE'RE RICH, HARUHI! OVER TWELVE BILLION YEN! WE'VE MADE IT BIG! OH, LIFE IS GOING TO CHANGE FOR US! WE'LL MOVE OUT OF THIS RINKY-DINK APARTMENT AND LIVE IN A BIG MANSION AND HAVE LOTS OF MAIDS AND SERVANTS AND WE'LL HAVE ALL THE PRETTY DRESSES WE CAN WANT AND –"

"Dad!"

Ryouji paused in his rant. His daughter was looking at him with a hard look. "What is it, Haruhi? Aren't you happy?"

"I'm glad you won and we're going to get so much money, but I need you to calm down. There's no need to go crazy and suddenly start doing everything the expensive way. If we do, it'll all be gone before you know it. We need to think about we're going to use it calmly and rationally."

Ryouji wilted. He felt guilty that it was his daughter that had to talk him out of his crazy schemes. That was supposed to be his job. "Okay, Haruhi. What do you want to do?"

"Right now, I want to eat dinner. When we're done, we'll double-check that ticket is legit and how to collect the prize money. Then we'll figure how to _responsibly_ use it, just like we do every week when we make our budget. Does that sound ok?"

The father nodded obediently to his daughter.

They ate, and the act of chewing seemed to calm Ryouji down just a little bit. When they were done, Haruhi took the ticket and read the fine print on the back. Then she pulled out a pen and paper and started doing some calculations.

"Our rent is 93 thousand a month, or 1 million 12 thousand for a year. We spend 26 thousand a week for food for the two of us. Multiply that by 52, that's 1 million 352 thousand a year. Utilities are 21 thousand a month, or 252 thousand a year. Add in household supplies, eating out, other little things… it costs just a little less than 3 million to live exactly the way we are now. Then add all the taxes (yes, she did those too), it takes 3 million 600 thousand. We have one of 23 prizes totaling 12 billion 400 million, which makes our cut… 539 million. If we change absolutely nothing about our lifestyle, Dad wouldn't have to work again for… 150 years."

Haruhi looked up from her work. Her face was positively angelic in its joy. "Isn't that great, Dad? We could live three times better and you still wouldn't have to work for the rest of your life if you don't want to! And if you're still alive when it runs out, I'll have my own job and can pay for you myself!"

Her father was crying. And it wasn't the melodramatic tears he was prone to. These were heartfelt tears that could only be evoked when your very soul was touched. "Haruhi… you're thinking about me? All this money… and you're just worried about me having to work? Don't you want to live a better life now that you have the chance?"

Haruhi frowned. "I know you like working at the bar. But it's hard on you. You have to take so many shifts to support us. If we start to spend lots of money on a big lifestyle, Dad will have to work harder than ever to keep it going. I'm fine with the way things are now. If we keep them that way, you only have to work as much as you want. Doesn't that make you happy, Dad?"

Ryouji reached out and pulled his daughter gently into his embrace. He rested his head on hers and tried his utmost best to surround her with warmth and love. "You are a selfless, caring, beautiful girl, my precious Haruhi. Don't ever change."

Haruhi just hugged him back.

The next day, Ryouji went down to the bank. With just a few signatures, over half a billion tax-free yen were dropped into his checking account. A full half was moved to a savings account to slowly accumulate interest, in case Ryouji ever got sick or Haruhi wanted to go to University overseas. With the rest, the Fujioka family made astonishingly few changes to their lifestyle. Ryouji cut back his shifts to twice a week, and only when Haruhi was in school so he'd always be home by the time she was. Every Sunday, they would have dinner at a fancy restaurant. Not the kind of place with a five-month waiting list and a dress code, just the kind of place that would have been a real treat 'pre-lottery'. 'Ranka' got a bunch of new dresses, the TV got bigger, and all the dishware and furniture finally matched.

Otherwise, things stayed exactly the same. They still paid rent on their same old apartment. Haruhi confessed to her dad that she didn't want to move away from where her mother had lived. She didn't care how 'below their means' it now was, it was the place where all her best memories were. It was home. Ryouji gave Haruhi a very generous weekly allowance. Feeling like a kid playing Monopoly, she'd started investing in the stock market over the internet. She turned out to have an uncanny knack for stocks. Ryouji, noticing this and always wanting to give his daughter whatever she wanted, turned over almost all of their funds to her disposable except for a 'baseline'. Haruhi had been both touched and intimidated by the power her father had given her, but she'd rolled up her sleeves and gone to work pouring money into her hunches and 'good feelings'. It paid off. Within a year, they'd doubled their winnings, savings included. Haruhi was sure whoever ran the sites she used would be amazed that one of their most successful users was a 13-year-old girl.

They started to treat themselves just a bit more, but always staying 'reasonable' as Haruhi insisted. Haruhi started to relax just the tiniest bit, allowing herself to become just a bit more dependent on her Dad, a bit less determined to handle all of life's challenges on her own. With all the extra time together, they became closer than ever. When Haruhi came home with a black eye after one of the kids at school demanded money from her, Ryouji was ready to eat the boy's entrails in front of his family. Haruhi managed to talk him down; he was just rude and greedy, hardly capital offenses. Still, her dad signed her up for aikido lessons within the week. She wasn't a prodigy by any means, but she was diligent and hard-working. She earned her black belt by the time she was fifteen.

One day, they were out together shopping and 'Ranka' was trying to talk Haruhi into a sundress. "Please, please, please, Haruhi! You'd look so cute and feminine in it!"

"I don't really want to look feminine," Haruhi said placidly.

Ranka huffed. Why was his daughter so un-girly? "If that's the case, why don't we cut your hair and you can start wearing ties and t-shirts like the rest of the boys?"

"I don't really want to look like a boy, either," Haruhi replied.

Ranka almost pulled out his (expensively maintained, it was a bit of a pet peeve for Haruhi) hair. "What _do_ you want to look like, Haruhi? What's your style?"

Haruhi paused in her browsing. "How to explain it… Dad, you like dressing up like a woman, right?"

"What are you, new? Of course," Ranka preened. He'd gotten laser hair removal for his beard, so he didn't even have to worry about shaving anymore. Well, at least on his face.

"But if you had the chance, you wouldn't get the operation to actually become a woman, would you?"

Ranka paled at the idea of voluntary castration. "No. No I wouldn't."

"So, you still want to be a man. But you want to be a woman too. You want to be 'both'. Right?"

"I guess that's one way of putting it," Ranka mused.

"Well, I want to be 'neither'. I don't want someone to look at me and immediately classify me as 'boy' or 'girl' and base all their actions towards me around that. I want to keep them guessing so that, when they interact with me, they just take me as 'Haruhi'… Does that make sense?"

Ranka grinned slowly as he realized a part of his daughter's character he'd never understood before. "Of course it does, my sweet, ambivalent child. Well, come on! Now that I know what to look for, you're going to look the best you have in your life!"

Her dad made cultivating her androgynous image a second job. He called all his friends who leant more towards the 'pretty boy' look for advice, read articles and books, and coached Haruhi on what he found. He wound up taking it more seriously than she ever had, but she appreciated his enthusiasm. Her hair was cut from its waist-length back to her shoulders, and put in a slightly boyish style. Her face was naturally one that could go either way, but Ranka coached her on how to make it go all the way in either direction, and experimented to find a style that straddled the line. Her clothes became the standard male fare of shirts and pants, but cut and accessorized in such a way it made you take a second look. Once, as a joke, she wore the boys' uniform to her middle school and everyone thought 'he' was Haruhi's cousin or brother until attendance was called. She actually got called to the principal's office for that, but after her dad bailed her they had a good laugh.

Thus, it was a very different Fujioka Haruhi that was accepted to Ouran Academy on a scholarship.

KISSKISSFALLINLOVE

"There are _four_ libraries on this campus, why is every one of them so noisy?" muttered Haruhi. "If you don't feel like studying, just go home!" _'Do these rich kids only come to school for the fun of it?'_

Her first day had been… enlightening. And not in the ways she'd expected. Every class had involved going over the general plan for the year and how each individual teacher handled their particular assignments and consulting hours. So there hadn't been much in the way of academic education. But her fellow students had provided a very in-depth social education over the past six hours, that was for sure. Sure, the Opening Ceremony the day before had given her a sense for just how grandiose the place was, but today was the first full taste.

She'd thought a kid in her class back in middle school was spoiled because he bragged about never having to do chores and getting every video game he asked for. Compared to these rich kids, that guy was a prisoner-slave in Siberia. She'd heard one of the girls explaining she was almost late because two of her maids were too slow _getting her dressed_. As in, they did it for her. One of the boys in her homeroom was complaining how he had to get a new car since a bird pooped on his old one. On her way between classes, she'd overheard people casually making plans to go shopping in Paris over the weekend and extending offers to stay at their _second_ house in Canada.

It wasn't just that these kids could afford to do more than Haruhi even if she wanted to be frivolous. They'd been _raised_ that way. They'd never once, their entire lives, had to worry about the basic needs for survival not being met. Hell, most of them never worried about their slightest whim not being met. They simply saw the world a different way than she did.

Haruhi herself had been the source of some scrutiny. Apparently, she was a hot topic of gossip. The 'audacious commoner' that had broken through the glass ceiling separating Ouran Academy from the rest of the world. The fact that no one there had ever heard the name Fujioka had them all assuming she was just a run-of-the-mill poor person (and their definition of 'poor' was skewed at best) that managed to claw their way in with good test scores. The super-rich ran in very exclusive circles, apparently. She would have corrected the assumption to anyone who'd asked her, but no one did. In fact, no one had approached her all day. They all just stared at her and muttered, parting in her path as if they were afraid to touch her and catch some kind of 'commoner' disease.

It wasn't exactly disheartening, but Haruhi was suddenly making many more plans to keep in touch with middle school friends than she'd been before that day.

Some of the looks had been admiring instead of curious or guarded, but Haruhi didn't pay them any more mind than the rest. She'd had students at her old school declaring romantic feelings so often you could almost set your calendar by it. But she'd dismissed it all. None of them had been _true_ confessions. They'd all been complete strangers or people she'd only ever exchanged polite conversation with. How could they love her if they didn't really know her? They'd only been infatuated with her looks or her wealth, and she wasn't going to waste her time on people only interested in those parts of her life.

It was currently 2:30 in the afternoon. Classes had let out at 2:00, and club activities wouldn't start up until 3:00. Haruhi had been looking for a quiet place to study before catching the train home. But she'd discovered her first pick, the libraries, had not lived up to their reputation as places of silence. They'd all been filled with milling students chatting at normal volume, leaving them loud as the cafeteria at her old school during lunchtime. She was now wandering around the top floor of the south building, hoping to find some suitable cranny to cram some studying in before her train arrived.

A flock of birds flew past one of the ceiling-high windows. That was another eye-opener for Haruhi, the very architecture of Ouran. They had a clock tower modeled after Big Ben in London, and she was willing to bet it was built to scale. Every building's façade was made of pink marble, every window was arching, and she would have bet money her desk had been made from mahogany. Sparing no expense was one thing, the best school should have the best of everything, but this was something else altogether. It was as if the builders had spent money for the sake of it. They hadn't gone so far as to make every toilet out of 24-karat gold, but it was a close thing. More had been spent building this one hallway than her apartment complex's block, she was sure.

Haruhi glanced at the birds, following their path to the sky. _'Mother, in Heaven, I hope you are well. I can't believe it's been ten years already.'_ The one luxury of her father's she never protested was ensuring there were fresh flowers placed at her mother's memorial every day. Haruhi sometimes wondered how her mother would have handled winning the lottery. She probably would have kept her job, just done a lot more pro bono work. And maybe insisted on more exotic vacations. Haruhi had only left the country once, to celebrate getting into Ouran with a visit to Hawaii. She'd liked the vibrant surroundings and the chance to whale watch, but her father had resolutely refused to let her try surfing when he'd seen how high the waves got.

Shaking her head out of her musing, Haruhi found herself in front of a closed door. She glanced up to see the sign designating it as 'Music Room #3'. _'I guess this would be a good place to study…'_

As she opened the door, there was a blinding light. That's what happened when you put giant windows on the west wall and then use reflective material for flooring. She caught the heavy scent of roses, almost as if the petals were caressing her cheek. A chorus of "Welcome" tickled her ears.

When she got her sight back, she was faced with six of the most gorgeous boys she'd ever seen.

Any one of these young men would have been enough to pique even Haruhi and her personality-centered interest. Taken together, they made her heart race. There was a blonde sitting in a chair, his legs folded and hands laced atop, with the face of an angel. His eyes were the most curious shade of blue, almost purple, and positively shone with life and vitality. She got the instant impression he was a second away from leaping from that chair and starting to dance, so full of energy was he.

There was a brunette standing behind the seated blonde's right shoulder with crossed arms, like an advisor behind his king. His hair was black as ink and just as shiny; his eyes more like coal, hard as stone and glinting behind the frames of his glasses. He had cold, aristocratic features, his mouth set in a noncommittal line that could have been a slight grin or a slight frown depending on the angle. Haruhi was almost reminded of a vampire.

On the first boy's other side stood identical twins, mirror images of each other down to the differing parts in their flaming red hair. Not the same red as her dad's, more like a candle's glow than blood. Their amber eyes glittered with mischief, an effect only amplified by their matching smirks and the hands tucked in their pockets. There was an almost ethereal quality to them, as if they weren't fully in the same world that she was. It made her think of the elves she'd heard of in storybooks, playing tricks on humans and disappearing into the forest.

If the first blonde was an angel, the second one to his right was a cherub. He was short, shorter than Haruhi even, and stood with his arms held behind his back. His smile was open and pure, like a child in the middle of laughing. His brown eyes made her think of caramels and chocolates; sugary, decadent things almost as sweet as his sheer cuteness. If pink flowers started to float around his head, she wouldn't have been surprised. He was the very personification of the word 'kawaii'. Or perhaps 'moe'.

The final boy, standing behind the one with glasses with back turned, was the giant to the second blonde's dwarf. His own dark hair had almost blue undertones to it. He was the tannest of them, as if he spent a lot of time working in the sun. His impressive musculature, barely concealed by his uniform, did nothing to hurt that idea. His face was clean-cut and clear of any emotion, his grey eyes distant. Still, she had the thought he could look quite frightening if he tried, as if his face was just waiting to shift into the lines of a bloodthirsty warrior.

All of this was gleaned in the five seconds it took before Haruhi blinked. Then she threw herself back, accidentally closing the door behind her. _'What the hell?! What's this beautiful group doing in an abandoned music room?!'_

"Oh, it's a boy," said the twins, in sync down to the last syllable.

The immediate pegging went against the whole point of Haruhi's image, but she could forgive them. Given the downright conservative girl's uniform, the fact she was showing her _ankles_ was enough to have them assume she wasn't one. Ranka had outright gagged when he'd seen the brochure and what Haruhi was expected to wear. He and Haruhi had gone through the Student Handbook with a fine-toothed comb to try and find a way out of wearing the dandelion monstrosity. Surprisingly, other than the standard rules against offensive messages and obscene displays of skin, there was no rule explicitly stating a student had to wear the uniform. There was, however, a rule against having a part-time job, chewing gum, and bringing a servant to class. It was another example of how fundamentally different the thinking was between the classes.

Haruhi had decided her go-to school clothes would be jeans and a collared shirt. Since it was still April, she'd thrown a sweater on as well. To add a bit of femininity to the mix, she'd tied her collar with a ribbon like the girl's uniform instead of a tie. She'd thrown on some loafers and proclaimed herself decent. Given one or two of the appreciative looks she'd gotten had been aimed at her body instead of her face, she liked to think it looked good. That, or rich teenagers were still teenagers.

The one with glasses turned to look at the twins. "Hikaru, Kaoru, this visitor is in the same class as you, right?"

She suddenly remembered she'd seen them before; they sat on either side of her in homeroom. Their last name had been vaguely familiar, too. They both shrugged and held up their hands in an 'eh' gesture, still in concert as if they'd rehearsed it. "Yes he is, but he isn't very sociable so we don't know much about him."

Well, she was hardly going to approach people who were staring at her like she was an animal at the zoo.

The corner of Glasses' mouth quirked up as he made a small sound of understanding. "It's impolite to say it like that." He looked up at her, and Haruhi felt like his gaze was pinning her in place, like a thumbtack holding up a page. "Welcome to the Ouran Host Club, Special Scholarship Student."

"What?!" the first blonde exclaimed, as if the brunette had announced she was the Queen of Sheba. "You mean the exceptionally rare scholarship student we've heard about, Fujioka Haruhi, is _you_?"

The second she'd heard the words 'Host Club', Haruhi had started blindly fumbling for the door. Ah, that explained it. Well, not really, but she knew all about host clubs. Her dad had other friends in the red light district than just the people at his Okama bar. She had no desire to be buttered up with false compliments and flattery. Even if it came from the mouths of these hunks. But when the blonde called her out, her movements halted as all her energy went into keeping her exasperation off her face.

"Does everyone in this whole school know about me?" she asked rhetorically.

The slightly creepy boy answered. "It's not every day a commoner gets into our school."

Her brow twitched. "I'm upper-middle class, it's not like I came from a homeless shelter." In fact, in terms of total assets, she was probably only a zero or two off from these snobs. But as she'd learned, these kids seemed to think their way of life was the 'norm' and everyone else was terribly deprived.

Out of nowhere, the first blonde was at her side and laying his hand on her shoulder. "What he means to say is you're a hero, Fujioka-kun!"

Haruhi blinked as the air around her seemed to fill with sparkles and the scent of roses spiked. What, did this guy bathe in rose water or something? Oh hell, he actually might. "Even if you are the top student, you are also the poorest person in this school!"

Yeah, like that was saying much. Haruhi shrugged to the side to try and dislodge the boy, but he followed her. "People will call you a weed, and you will be despised as a lower person! Yes, you probably will be! But never mind that! Long live the poor, I say!" He held out his hands to her, as if offering her an embrace. "Welcome to our luxuriant world of beauty, poor man!"

Haruhi couldn't decide if this guy was being condescending or sincere. He might even be both. "Please don't patronize me," she said firmly. The boy's generous smile faltered a little. "You think you're better than me because of what's in your bank account? Money can't buy you character, or decency, or respect. For the record, I could afford the tuition here if I wanted to. But with the scholarship it was free so long as I was best in the class. I was going to strive for that anyway, so it just made sense not to waste the money." Haruhi could feel herself working up into a real rant, so she cut herself off before she did something unforgivably rude. "Please excuse me, I'll find somewhere else to study." She turned to leave.

Her progress was halted by a strong tug from a much lower center of gravity than she was accustomed to. "Ne, don't leave Haru-chan! I've never met a hero before! Are you really a hero, Haru-chan?"

It was the little cherub. He was tugging on her arm and looking up at her like a little kid actually meeting a hero. It was absolutely adorable, so much so that it took Haruhi a second to gather her thoughts to respond. Then something snapped when she realized just how familiar he was being. It was like he was talking to her as if _she_ was the little kid. "WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO CALL ME HARU-CHAN!" she roared.

The kid ran with a cry to the tall one, who wordlessly offered the boy a stuffed pink bunny of all things. Haruhi tried to catch her breath from her loss of control, and the first blonde took the opportunity to speak. "Please don't leave. The moment you entered, you became our customer. And it's our duty as hosts to fulfill your needs, even if you're a boy. A very pretty boy, if I may say!"

She turned to face him uncomprehendingly. What was his malfunction? Did he not realize she'd walked in by accident? What, was this Host Club so infamous that their location should be common knowledge even to the 'commoner' on her first day? He charged on heedless of her eyes questioning his intelligence. "So what's your preference? Wild type? Boy-Lolita type? Little Devil type? Cool type?" Well, those labels fit her own take on the other boys.

Then the blonde got way too close, so close their noses almost touched, and he actually _touched her cheek!_ "Or maybe you'd like to try me?" he whispered seductively.

Right. That did it. She officially had enough.

She reached up and grabbed his arm, pulling it out straight. Turning, she brought his arm over her shoulder, bringing up her other hand to grab for extra leverage. Then, using her body as a fulcrum, she flipped the touchy-feely bastard through the air.

He went a fair distance given the disparity in their sizes. He hit the ground and rolled a tiny bit. He bumped up against a stand. He looked up at her like he couldn't believe the last five seconds had just happened.

"Don't touch people without permission, you perv!" she snarled. So much time with her dad had made his concern for her virtue rub off just a little. She was determined that no boy (or girl) would get close unless she wanted them to.

At that moment, the vase atop the stand tilted over. Haruhi watched in horror as the ornate piece of pottery hit the floor and shattered into smithereens.

The twins, Hikaru and Kaoru hissed. "The Renaissance vase we were going to feature in the school auction! Boss broke it!" one huffed.

"No, the commoner broke it," the other corrected. He turned to look at her pityingly. "Now you've done it, the starting bid on that was going to be 8 million yen."

Haruhi winced. Sure, she made that much in a good week through one trade or another. But part of her would never forget that her family once lived on less than half that much a year. "I'm sorry. I'll pay you back."

The two eyed her skeptically. "Can you? You can't even afford the designated uniform," they noted.

Her face hardened. "I _choose_ not to wear the uniform."

"Sure," one of them drawled doubtfully.

The other tilted his head. "Wait… is that cashmere?"

Haruhi rubbed a finger on her sweater. It was more than she usually spent, but it had just been so soft. "Yes."

The first one's eyes widened. "Never mind," he backtracked.

The one with glasses stepped forward. "Do you really have the money to pay for this?"

She met his gaze unflinchingly. "Yes. How do you want it? A check? Wire transfer? If you want it in cash, it might take a couple of days."

He regarded her for a moment. The he opened a notebook he pulled from… somewhere, wrote down something, then tore out the page to give to her. "My account number," he explained.

She took it and reached into her pocket for her phone. She turned it on, having shut if off for fear her dad would constantly bombard her with texts during the day. The buzz of vibration as the device activated confirmed that fear. She glanced and saw that she had no less than 17 texts from her dad, plus two voice mails. Hmm, he'd restrained himself. She opened her contacts, and selected the number for their family accountant.

"Hello?" asked a heavily accented voice.

" _Herr_ Schmidt? It's Fujioka Haruhi."

Schmidt was the accountant assigned to them once the bank deemed their holdings big enough to merit individual attention. Her dad had picked him from those offered because he'd introduced himself with 'atashi' and assumed he was gay. Turns out, he'd followed his Japanese girlfriend here from Germany and had learned by listening to her speak. He didn't realize the faux pas, and his girlfriend and his friends found it too funny to point out the error.

"Ah, _Fraulein_ Fujioka! What can I do for you today?"

Haruhi had made it a point of learning German so that she could talk to Schmidt in his native tongue. He was more comfortable that way, and as the guy in charge of moving their money around, Haruhi found it only polite. She was doubly glad for it now, as it offered her a bit of privacy from the piercing stares of the Host Club. Though from the way the 'cool' guy's eyes glinted, she had the feeling he understood every word.

"I need you to transfer 8 million yen into a numbered account."

"That's a fair sum, _Fraulein_. May I ask why?"

She grimaced. "It's a case of 'you break it, you buy it', I'm afraid."

"Oh, I see. Sorry about that. Okay, what's the account?"

Haruhi carefully relayed it. She heard the click of keyboard keys over the phone.

"Okay, it's done. _Have a nice day_ , _Fujioka-san_ ," he said a little haltingly, though he was getting better every day.

" _Auf Wiederhören_ ," she offered in return. She hung up and turned to face the man she'd just made 8 million richer. "Are we good here?"

He pulled out his own phone (the latest model, of course) and checked a few things. "Yes, we are. Pleasure doing business with you, Fujioka-san."

"I wish I could say the same," she responded dryly. "Sorry for troubling you. Goodbye."

With that, she turned and finally managed to leave the room. The blonde she'd flipped was still laying on the floor, gobsmacked.

KISSKISSFALLINLOVE

The next day was better in some ways, but worse in others. It was better since the classes started in earnest, and Haruhi was glad for the thrill of learning and the chance to prove herself worthy to be there. The whole reason she came here was because it was the Ivy League of high schools. A 4.0 from here would get her into any college in the world.

It was better because less people stared. In fact, some even went up to talk to her. Barely. They made comments on the weather, primarily. Still, it was better than her pariah status of the previous day.

It was better because she forgot to pack a bento and her dad managed to talk her into just paying for food at the refectory before she left that morning. She'd never been so happy for her family's change of fortune. The food was divine. The prices were enough to make her gulp, but it would be nice as a treat every now and then.

It was worse because the homework lived up to the hype. Haruhi got more assigned that one day than she would have in a week back in middle school. She was already stressing about how she was going to budget her time to get everything done and still have time to eat and sleep.

It was worse because she'd thrown out her contacts last night after their thirty days of use, only to discover she'd forgotten to order new ones. So she was forced to wear her glasses to school today. They weren't her grandfather's old ones, thank god, but a pair she kept in back-up for just these kinds of situations. However, apparently her eyes had gotten worse since she'd bought them, since the prescription was a bit off and she found her coordination shot with the skewed depth perception. Plus, after the clarity of lenses, that little circle of blurriness at the edge of her vision practically mocked her.

And it was worse because she was constantly hounded by the Hitachiin twins.

They'd plopped down next to her at the start of the day and started chattering her ear off. They were very impressed with how she'd stood up to 'Tono/King/Boss' Suou Tamaki the day before. Well, they were more entertained by the fact he'd been thrown on his ass than her strength of character. Haruhi tried to be polite, but she mostly ignored them. She'd quickly perceived that they weren't really interested in her as a person. It was as if they'd already worked their wiles on everyone in the school and were eager for fresh meat. She was the shiny new toy, nothing more. And so she gave them little more than the time of day.

She managed to remember why their last name ran a bell. Hitachiin was a famous designer line. Ranka had saved his clothes' budget for three months just to get one Hitachiin original as a birthday gift to himself. When Haruhi had gotten him another last Christmas, he'd burst into tears and declared he would get her a pony in return, an idea she had quickly talked him out of.

The twins were nothing if not persistent. They kept at her for the whole day whenever they weren't in class, trying to get her engaged in their little games. When one of them (Hikaru, the one with his hair parted to the right) tried to lean on her shoulder, she'd grabbed his fingers in a warning grip. That headed off any more physical contact, at least. Something she was grateful for, as they seemed to have no concept of personal space. When girls had walked up to them over the day, they'd gotten extremely close, actually rubbing cheeks and usually sending the girl into a dead feint. And if that didn't manage it, their 'brotherly love' act did it.

That actually bothered her the most. Not the idea of incest, per se (on that gray area, like many others, she concluded it was the business of those involved alone so long as it was consensual and sane). What bothered her was how they used it as a tool. They played it up, used the suggestion of the ultimate taboo in order to manipulate the people around them. There were some lines that shouldn't be crossed in the name of a joke. What bothered her even more was that it actually _worked_. The girls ate it up like fat-free chocolate. Was this some particular psychosis of being raised to think you were a princess? Or some kind of 'girl' thing that eluded her understanding since she thought so differently from an ordinary girl?

The bell for the end of the day rang, and still there was no reprieve.

"Come on, Haruhi, come to Host Club with us!" whined Kaoru.

"I said no," she stated wearily.

"What's wrong? Don't you want to spend more time with us?" teased Hikaru.

"Not particularly," she said bluntly.

"Please? Pretty please? At least come to settle things with Tono. You didn't really end things on a good note."

"If he wants to settle things, he can come to me himself."

"Kyouya-senpai wanted to discuss something about the vase."

"I already paid for it. If he wants to haggle more money out of it, again, he can find me himself."

"You made Honey-senpai cry! Don't you want to apologize?"

That made her pause. She felt the teensiest bit guilty about making such an adorable boy so upset (though if the twins were to be believed, he was actually the oldest in the club). And apparently he was informal with everyone.

The twins spotted her moment of weakness and seized on it. "He cried and cried. He's bound to still be upset."

"What kind of person are you, reducing people to tears and not even thinking of apologizing?"

These twins could make a nun swear.

She gritted her teeth. If it would make them shut up and ease her conscious, she might as well do it. "Fine."

She tactfully ignored how the boys applauded themselves for a job well done.

So it was that Haruhi found herself back in the north corridor of the top floor of the South building.

She hesitated to touch the doorknob, half-expecting it to burn her from the heat of the hot-blooded fangirls so often beyond it. But the decision was taken from her as the twins opened the doors and ushered her so smoothly her feet barely touched the ground. "BOSS! WE BROUGHT THE COMMONER!"

Tamaki, self-proclaimed king of the Host Club, looked up from lounging on the couch. In the blink of an eye, he was huddled behind it, peeking out like a kid checking if the monster was there. Haruhi felt her opinion of him, already low, sink to abyssal depths. So much for the 'men are brave and girls are cowards' stereotype.

Ootori Kyouya looked up from his laptop. His glasses flashed as he turned to face Haruhi. "Ah, Fujioka-san. What brings you here today? I'd apologize if the twins brought you here against your will, but then again I can't really claim any responsibility for their actions, can I?"

Well, wasn't that a hollow gesture. "I came to apologize to Haninozuka-senpai. Is he here?"

"I'm afraid not. Mori-senpai has a kendo meeting this afternoon. Honey-senpai tends to wait until he's finished before they come together. If you're willing to wait, they should be here by the time the club opens at 3:00."

Haruhi held back a grimace. Like hell she was going to spend an extra 45 minutes in the hands of those diabolical twins. "No, thanks. I'll try again tomorrow. Have a good day," she wished out of habit rather than any real sentiment.

"Wait right there!" demanded Tamaki, apparently finding his courage. "I demand that you apologize to me for your assault against my person yesterday."

Haruhi raised an unimpressed brow. "I'll apologize for the excessive force when you apologize for the sexual harassment that prompted it."

The blond gaped at her. "S-s-sexual harassment? I did no such thing!"

"Right. You actually touched me without my consent. That's assault."

"ARE YOU CRAZY? There's no way I'm apologizing for some harmless flirting!"

Haruhi shrugged. "Then I'm not apologizing. Good day, Suou-senpai." She turned to leave, only to find Tamaki had sprinted past her to barricade the doors.

"Until I hear the words 'I apologize' come out of your mouth, you are forbidden from leaving this room! On my authority as King of the Ouran Host Club!"

Haruhi turned to look at Kyouya, who seemed to have the most sense of anyone in the room. "Is he serious?"

"I'm afraid so. Best to just play along, in my experience," the raven-haired boy answered, not pausing in writing in some folder.

"Well, in that case." Haruhi reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone. "Dad? Yes, I'm fine. Just needed to let you know I'll be staying late after school. Apparently, I'm being held hostage by the school's Host Club. Love you, bye." Haruhi hit the 'call end' button just as the first syllable of her father's rant hit her ear. "There. I should be out of here in an hour."

Tamaki looked at her with terror in his eyes. "You called your parents? What are you, five? My dad's principal of the school, I'll have you know!"

"And I'm sure he'd be as disappointed as my father will be that you're keeping a fellow student prisoner over your wounded ego. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to study in the corner. If you feel like apologizing before I leave, you'll know where to find me." With that, Haruhi turned and tracked down an out-of-the-way chair. Sitting down in it, she pulled out her homework and began working in her lap, ignoring the others in the room.

The Host Club opened for business. Haruhi paid no mind to the flocks of girls that fawned over the hosts and were fawned over in turn for 15-minute increments. Compared to professional operations she'd seen when visiting her Dad at work, it actually was a pretty decent set-up. Not that Haruhi would admit to that. The last thing that 'King' character needed was more praise.

One girl, the hideous yellow uniform dress not detracting from her beauty in the slightest, walked up to Haruhi in the corner. "Ano, Fujioka-san? Are you joining the Host Club?"

Haruhi paused in her work. "No, nothing like that. It's a bit of a funny story, actually, but I don't need to bother you with it. You'd probably prefer spending time with one of the hosts than talking to boring old me."

The girl blushed. "I don't think you're boring. You wear such nice clothes, even though everyone is expected to wear the uniform. I think it's… cool that you're so independent. And you're a scholarship student! You must be really smart!"

Haruhi blushed and rubbed the back of her head, a pencil tucked behind her ear. She had no idea how pretty she looked in that moment. "That's very kind of you to say, princess. But really, I'm not that smart. Anyone could do what I've done if they worked hard enough. I appreciate the compliment, though." Haruhi gave a genuine smile, glad to see that at least one of these rich people had a modicum of decency.

The girl held a hand up to her mouth and turned very red. Was she sick? "F-Fujioka-san..."

"You can call me Haruhi, if you like." Haruhi suddenly became aware of her seated position. "Oh, where are my manners? You shouldn't have to stand. I'll go find you a chair." Haruhi got up and found an elaborate sitting chair that was currently unoccupied. Ignoring how some people turned to watch, Haruhi lifted the chair and set it down back by her own lonely perch. "Please, sit down, if you really want to talk. I won't be offended if you don't, though.'

"No, no, it's fine!" the girl said breathily, sitting down into the chair as Haruhi slid it in underneath her. "I'm Fubuki Ayano, by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Fubuki-san."

"Y-you can call me Ayano."

Haruhi decided not to mention her stutter. That would just be rude. "Okay, Ayano. Do you mind if I do some homework while we talk? I don't mean to offend, it's just that I really need to finish this essay for Professor Hakate."

"No, no, that's okay." Ayano fiddled with the lap of her dress nervously. "Do you enjoy school work?"

They wound up having a very pleasant conversation about the various topics the school offered. Ayano confessed that she had several tutors to help her at home. It seemed to boggle her mind that Haruhi had the discipline to do all the work and do it well all by herself. Over time, a couple of Ayano's friends walked over. Haruhi, having been raised with manners, went to fetch them chairs as well, and while she was at it got a small table. If any of the hosts had a problem with it, they didn't approach her on it.

"Do you mind if I get a drink?" Haruhi asked ten minutes later.

"Oh no, go ahead. You should get one, you've been talking to us for half an hour!" Ayano said.

"You deserve a treat for doing your homework so diligently!" said Kimi, who sat to Ayano's right.

"I can go get it for you!" offered Togama, to Ayano's left. She had curiously bright eyes. Did she wear contacts like Haruhi usually did?

"That's okay. I don't want to trouble you." Haruhi grinned, straightening her glasses. She walked over to Kyouya. Not only was the 'King' occupied with a long-haired bruenette, but Haruhi sensed that he was the man that handled the logistics of the club. "Ootori-senpai, may I please have some hot water and a cup?"

The light glinted off the older's glasses in a way that was somehow menacing. "Of course," he answered with a genial grin, yet Haruhi couldn't shake the thought that she had somehow trapped herself in a usurious debt. Kyouya indicated where they kept the kitchenware, and Haruhi grabbed the plainest cup she could find and filled an ewer from a prepared metal kettle. She brought it back to 'her' table, where she set it down and then started rummaging in her backpack.

"Haruhi-kun?" Ayano asked, confused.

"Ah! Knew I had some in here." Haruhi pulled out a small carton of instant coffee. She shook a little into her cup, then put it away. She poured in the hot water, then stirred the powder into the water with the end of her pen. In seconds, the concentrate had dissolved and Haruhi had a sub-par cup of coffee. "Sorry. So, what were we talking about?"

"How did you do that?" Kimi asked, looking like she'd just witnessed eldritch sorcery before her eyes.

Haruhi tilted her head. "What are you talking about? It's just instant coffee."

"Instant?" the three girls asked, tilting their heads much as Haruhi had.

"Yeah. You know, from concentrate. They made coffee-flavored crystals in a factory and shipped them to a supermarket. You add water and the crystals dissolve. Ta-da, instant coffee. It doesn't taste as good as the real stuff, but it's cheap and convenient." Haruhi realized her error. "Oh, that's right, you're all fabulously wealthy. You've probably never had anything from concentrate. All fresh-ground coffee and fresh-squeezed juice for you girls, wasn't it?"

"Wow! Who knew commoners were capable of such amazing acts of science!"

Haruhi felt her eye twitch. She turned, her face carefully neutral. "It's very rude to insert yourself into other people's conversations, Suou-senpai."

The 'King' acted like the word 'rude' had been an arrow piercing his breast, staggering backward. Or perhaps it was from the look in Haruhi's eyes.

"So poor people don't even have the time to grind their own coffee beans," Togama muttered to herself.

"It's not that, though there are people in the world that can't even afford coffee beans, let alone grinding them to make coffee," Haruhi corrected as gently as she could. "I wanted a drink, and I didn't want to trouble the club for a cup of coffee, since I assume the beverages are reserved for guests. But I figured water is free, and I knew I had a carton of instant with me, so I made do. Like I said, it's a convenience, a spare-every-expense kind of item for people on the go who don't care about quality or are on a budget."

For some reason, her words seemed to touch the other three girls.

"Can… can I try some of this instant coffee?" Ayano asked.

"Me too!" Kimi said.

"And me!" Togama said, blushing to the roots of her hair but looking oddly determined.

Haruhi shrugged. "Okay. But I warn you, you probably won't like it. It's not meant for such refined palates as yours, ladies."

"Don't care!" they said in unison.

"Well, if you're sure." Haruhi got up and got three more cups, unaware that everyone in the room was watching. Haruhi swiftly prepared three more cups of coffee and handed them to her companions. "Here you go."

They hesitated, apparently choking now that the moment of truth. Ayano was the first to muster her courage, taking a big gulp. Following her example, Kimi and Togama drank from their own cups."

"It's very flat and bitter," Ayano said quietly.

"There's hardly any aroma to speak of," Kimi noted with the air of a connoisseur.

"I suppose it's hot, at least," Togama stated, clearly trying not to insult Haruhi again.

"I tried to warn you." Haruhi offered an amused grin. "But that was very brave of you, trying something new. I'm impressed."

The three girls sent Haruhi looks that were oddly familiar. Where had she seen them before? Before she could puzzle it out, she noted a very tall and very short boy enter the room. "Oh, Haninozuka-senpai. Excuse me, my friends, I have to speak to him."

Haruhi left three girls with pounding hearts. Off to the side, Tamaki and the twins watched with disbelief and awe, while Kyouya had a calculating gleam to his features, but then when did he not?

"Sorry! We're running late. I fell asleep waiting for Takashi to get out of his kendo meeting, and I'm still a little sleepy," the blond cherub explained to his table.

"Excuse me, Haninozuka-senpai," Haruhi spoke up.

Mitsukuni turned, his whole face lighting up. "Haru-chan… I mean, Haruhi-san. You came back!"

Haruhi felt herself twitch again at such blatant familiarity, but she could forgive it for coming from such an adorable little munchkin. "I'd like to apologize for my outburst yesterday. I overreacted."

"Ne, ne, it's okay! Sometimes I forget myself." The boy pulled out the stuffed pink bunny from yesterday. "To say I'm sorry, I'll let you hold Usa-chan! 'Kay?"

Haruhi felt herself pink up a bit, but she couldn't think of a good enough reason to decline. "Um, okay?" She hesitantly took the child's toy, tucking it into the crook of her arm. She turned to the looming figure that was like the small boy's shadow. "Morinozuka-senpai. Congratulations on winning the title last month."

The boy's eyes lit up. Haruhi got the impression that people didn't address him often. "Thanks," he said, his gruff voice conveying heartfelt emotion in one syllable.

"Ne, Haru-chan! You watch kendo matches? That makes sense, you clearly know how to fight! That flip yesterday was really well done!" Mitsukuni or 'Honey-senpai' spoke up.

"Thanks. I've trained in aikido since I was 13. My sensei actually went to one of your family's dojos."

"Really?" Honey looked inordinately pleased with this information. Maybe he didn't get the chance to talk shop often? The students at Ouran seemed more the type to have bodyguards than learn self-defense.

"Yes. If you'll excuse me, I'll stop keeping you from your clients. I have some girls waiting for me back there. Have a good day… Mitsu-chan," Haruhi tacked on, feeling uncommonly bold. For some reason, she had the impulse to give the childish third-year a taste of his own medicine.

Haruhi turned to leave, making sure she had Usa-chan in a good grip. It was important to treat things that weren't yours with care. She sat back down at the table, surprised to see a few more girls hanging around. "Um, ladies?"

Ayano turned. Something in her seemed to melt when she saw Haruhi holding Usa-chan. "Haruhi-kun! Can you make us some more instant coffee? Some of the girls want to watch and taste for themselves!"

"Um, okay." With practiced movements, Haruhi made four more cups, using her own finished cup. The girls giggled and hovered around those that grabbed the cups like it was forbidden liquor or something much more exciting than coffee from concentrate.

Shrugging, figuring it was another quirk of the super-rich, Haruhi went back to her homework, bringing up Usa-chan every now and then to rub the softness against her cheek. She had no idea how adorable she looked, in her sweater and glasses, hair pulled back into a bun and eyes narrowed in focus, cuddling a pink bunny. The ladies swooned at the consummate 'sexy bookworm'.

Sooner than Haruhi had expected, Ranka burst into the room. Looks like he'd remembered Haruhi's mention of the club's location when she'd talked about the episode yesterday. "LET MY HARUHI GO, YOU FIENDS!"

Haruhi perked up. "Hi, Father!"

"FATHER?!" shouted the room, looking from the sexy lady(?) to Haruhi and back, trying to reconcile the male title with the, by all appearances, female adult.

"Haruhi!" Her dad bulldozed through all in his way, coming to smother her in hugs and kisses. "Are you traumatized? Did they do awful things to you?"

"No. I've just been making some friends and doing my homework."

"That's my Haruhi! So polite, so studious!" Ranka went from gushing to snarling in an instant. "Who's the punk who wouldn't let my Haruhi leave?"

"That would be Tamaki. He's over there," the twins supplied 'helpfully', pointing to where the blond King had slouched down so his head couldn't be seen over the sofa.

"You! How dare you keep my Haruhi prisoner! That's not a very princely thing to do, now is it?! You're a sad excuse for a host, for a student, and especially for a man!" Ranka ranted, practically with shark-teeth.

"He… he wouldn't say sorry for hitting me," Tamaki protested in a very small voice.

"If you were close enough that my Haruhi felt the need to flip you, then you were TOO close, mister! Wait till I go to the school board about this! Bullying my brilliant scholarship student, you should be ashamed of yourself!"

"There's no need for that, Father," Haruhi spoke up. "It actually wasn't that bad. I got to have some nice conversation with some lovely girls my age. He just had a tantrum, it's expected for someone his maturity level." Haruhi packed up her stuff. "Goodbye Ayano, everyone! Mitsu-chan, here's Usa-chan back." Having made her farewells, Haruhi hooked an arm with her father. "Come on, Father. Let's go home. I'll make you your favorite for worrying you needlessly."

"Wah! Such a perfect child! What did your mother and I do to deserve you?" Ranka wailed.

The two walked out of the Music Room, leaving behind a bewildered Host Club and their clientele.


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, there was SOME response. And I'm re-reading the series anyway. Might as well continue this cockamamie project. A big thanks to User Name Installing, Cynthia of the Wallflowers, and 2ndsly for leaving such nice reviews!**

* * *

Haruhi woke with her alarm. Shaking off the drowsiness of sleep, the young woman sat up in bed. Her sheets were cotton, but of an impressive thread count. One of the little luxuries she'd permitted herself as the Fujioka fortune only grew. Haruhi never imagined a career as a stockbroker, and yet her little hobby had evolved almost into a full-time job. Given the workload she expected to face from Ouran, she'd probably not be able to spend as much time on it as she used to.

Well, they were rich enough as is. She'd leave it all to Schmidt, have him short stocks when it seemed like a crash was imminent and otherwise get out of the game.

She went through her morning ablutions, pausing to look at her soulmark in the mirror. Science had long since stopped trying to explain the phenomenon of soulmarks, the unique tattoos that appeared over every person's heart at some point during puberty. Theories around the exact purpose varied, from genetic compatibility to personal development. Two facts stood out among all the speculation: each pairing (often two, but sometimes more) had identical marks, and those with matching marks were happiest in each other's company.

Haruhi had thought about using one of the many databases to try and find her match but held off. She was too young to meet her potential spouse/lover/lifelong friend(s). If she'd yet to meet him, her, or them by the time she graduated college, _then_ she would seek outside help. Until then, she'd focus on her education.

Her father and mother had been soulmates, she know. That was probably why her death had hit him so hard. He'd sworn off women entirely once she'd passed, exploring only the other half of his sexuality since the funeral. She had hope that one day, her dad would settle down again with a nice man. Probably another widower, she knew her dad would refuse to get into anything long-term with an unmated man.

Haruhi again traced the shape she'd memorized since it appeared a few months after her 13th birthday. A circle of roses formed a wreath, all different colors. White, lavender, blue, orange, pink, and plum. Resting in the center of the circle was a vibrant red rose in full bloom, with a petal touching each of the six other roses.

Her father was of the opinion that Haruhi was the red rose, naturally. Haruhi disagreed, thinking she might be the stems and leaves, mere supportive background, and her mate or mates would be full of life and color. In either case, the distinct number of blooms was a cause of confusion and concern. There were usually only two or sometimes three and very rarely four distinct images in a mark. If you didn't count the wreath of roses as a singular image, then Haruhi had _seven_ images.

The largest soulmark pairing in recorded history was a pair of conjoined twins, both of whom had five mates. The happy dozen had settled in the Russian countryside and had well over a hundred children, funded by the circus-like attraction their farm had turned into, people coming from far and wide to see the 'miracle pairing' or the 'slutty freaks', depending who you asked. If Haruhi was indeed one of a pairing of seven, it wouldn't break any records, though there just might be media attention if anyone caught wind.

Haruhi shook her head of such thoughts. What were the odds she'd find all (potentially) six of her mates anytime soon?

Unbidden, an image of the Host Club came to her mind's eye. She repressed it with all her mental power.

No. No, no, no. _Hell_ no. She was _not_ going there.

Haruhi got dressed for the day, opting for a blazer instead of a sweater given the forecast. It was even blue, so she almost looked like she was wearing the Ouran boy's uniform. Her contacts had been shipped overnight, so she was freed from her glasses, though she tucked them into her backpack just in case. Better to have and not need than need and not have, that was a motto Haruhi lived by. She straightened her ribbon, which almost resembled a bow-tie if you didn't look too hard, her touch of girliness to the ensemble. Combined with her satchel-like bag, she looked dressed to kill.

"Haruhi! You look especially gorgeous today! Call me if any of the boys or girls at school get touchy like that dumb King fellow. I still keep in touch with some of Mom's old work friends, shouldn't be too hard to get a restraining order."

"That won't be necessary," Haruhi said, faced with her father's extravagance that she could no longer be surprised by, only sigh at. "Most people are still pretty distant with me. Some of them act like I'm a different species. Though Ayano was nice yesterday."

"Yay! Haruhi has a female friend! I never thought the day would come."

Haruhi rolled her eyes. "I'm not _that_ bad."

"Haruhi, you've never had _one_ sleepover growing up. You're an introvert, my little androgyne. Let me be excited that you carried a half-hour conversation with another person that wasn't a teacher."

"Bye, Dad," Haruhi called, slipping her loafers on over her socked feet. She walked out the door, her father calling out his undying love and assuring her that 'Daddy' was just a phone call away. He'd actually _ran_ to the school all the way from the apartment building yesterday. The fact that such a feat was actually in character amused Haruhi as much as it disturbed her. The love of a father could be a terrifying thing, when roused.

Haruhi sat on the bus, patiently waiting for her stop. When she got off, it was a fifteen-minute walk to the Academy. Of course, public transit hadn't been taken into account when the institution had been built. Most of the students drove or were driven to school. If Haruhi heard that some kids flew in by helicopter every day, it wouldn't surprise her. Her eyes had been opened to the obscene lengths wealth allowed some people to go to.

She was just settling into her homeroom class when there was a commotion at the door.

"Make way! Make way! Boss coming through!" declared the Hitachiin twins in sync. Haruhi had already begun to notice subtle differences between them, other than the part in their hair. They looked a lot alike, true, but they were each their own man. Two blooms growing from the same stem, separate and yet connected.

Her attention switched from the twins she spent half her classes ignoring yesterday to focus on the blond that trailed behind them. Suou Tamaki had a cocky smirk on his face, but it was a fragile mask. Haruhi could tell that he was actually embarrassed and in danger of running for the hills. What brought him here? Wasn't he in another year?

Haruhi realized belatedly that he'd paused next to her desk. "Suou-senpai?" she asked, confused. Was he still hung up on yesterday and had come to confront her? She'd like to believe that someone couldn't be that petty, but the world often disappointed the idealistic.

The heir to the Academy looked in danger of swallowing his tongue. Finally, he bowed low until he was horizontal. "I'm very sorry for my actions two days ago. I should never have made you feel the need to defend yourself. May you please… accept my apology?" He almost choked on the words, but he got them out.

Haruhi was honestly surprised. Was this his idea, or had he been put up to it? In either case, she had to answer. Haruhi got out of her seat and bowed in return. "I accept your apology and hope you can accept mine in turn. I should not have handled the situation so violently. I hope we can both put this behind us."

Tamaki sprung back up, a blinding grin on his face. If he were a dog, his tail would be wagging. "Excellent! So, Fujioka-kun, how about you stop by the Host Club after school? We have a proposition for you."

Haruhi felt a knot of apprehension settle in her stomach. "A… proposition? What could I possibly have to offer you?"

"Come see us and find out, if you're so curious! Well, I must get to class. Farewell, my darling first-years! Your King will be open for business as usual this afternoon!" he called to the ladies of the room, most of whom promptly squealed like they'd been addressed by a celebrity… which Haruhi supposed he kind of was. His dad owned every building on campus, and the Host Club was apparently the playground of the super-rich and beautiful for the school.

The twins teased Haruhi the whole day about the surprise waiting for her. It got to the point where she was ready to rip her hair out, or preferably bang their heads together like coconuts. They seemed to sense that she was on the brink, because they backed off during the afternoon classes. They insisted on leading her to the Host Club though, as if she could have forgotten the route after the last two days she'd had.

When she entered the Music Room, she found the other four members of the Host Club ready and waiting for her. Tamaki was arguing with Kyouya, or at least having a very spirited monologue while the bespectacled teen checked something on his phone. Honey-senpai was having a tea party with Usa-chan and Mori-senpai, scarfing down cake with a look of ecstasy on his baby face. Guess he had a real sweet tooth.

"Everyone! Our natural rookie has arrived!" the twins announced, pulling confetti from somewhere and throwing it over Haruhi's head.

"What are you talking about?" Haruhi questioned, picking the bits of paper out of her hair.

"Ah, Fujioka-kun! This is the proposition I spoke of this morning! Don't think we didn't notice your stellar performance yesterday! Your clueless courtesy and commoner wisdom had a remarkable effect on the young princesses! You are a natural host, no training needed! On behalf of the Ouran Host Club, we would like to formally request you join our ranks as a first-rate host!" Tamaki declared, with much spinning, smiling, and spontaneous sparkles.

Haruhi was struck dumb. "What?"

"It's the principle of the matter. You are beautiful inside and out, much like myself and my friends! And why do you think there are museums filled with art? Because beauty should be shared with the world! That's why I started the club, to fulfill that need for beauty among our classmates! Do you see?" He asked, coming alarmingly close.

Haruhi narrowed her eyes. "Maintain at least 1 meter of distance from me at all times. You're quite obnoxious, did you know that?"

Tamaki was suddenly in the corner, a dark cloud over him as a nearby vase of roses withered and began to shower petals over him. It was like a scene out of a manga. Can rich people afford to bend the laws of physics or something?

"Hahaha! You got Tono good! This is why we want you around! You're endlessly entertaining," the twins put in their own two cents.

"I'm not a toy," Haruhi growled.

They smirked and leaned forward, their shoulders connected. "Don't you know? Everyone's a toy to us."

Haruhi counted backwards from ten, breathing in for a count of five and out for another count of five. "Why on earth would you want me for a Host? Furthermore, what possible reason could I have for accepting?"

Kyouya pushed up his glasses. "As Tamaki said, you managed to entertain those ladies yesterday without any prior instruction. You seem to have a natural talent with the girls. I was approached no less than four times today about whether you would be present when we opened this afternoon. A unique upbringing, unassuming good looks, humble and down to earth. Your character would fit in quite well among our group."

"Okay. I might be able to pull it off. But why would I join a silly social club when I have to focus on my studies?"

Kyouya gave that predatory grin disguised as a pleasant smile. "As the 'Bookish type', you would of course be expected to do your homework during your sessions. You might just encourage the girls to work on their own, which would give you the opportunity to help them and bond, which would be just another way of facilitating their needs and within a host's purview. And don't underestimate the importance of 'social' clubs. A great deal of life boils down to knowing the right person. Being a Host gives you the opportunity to network and form alliances with a great many influential families, not the least of which are our own. This club is officially sanctioned by Tamaki's father, so you'll even get extracurricular credit for your applications to college." His glasses glinted. "What do you say? Interested?"

Well, Kyouya had a point there. Being friendly with the right people could open up a lot of doors for Haruhi's future. And yesterday hadn't been _unbearable_ or anything, had it? She'd just been herself, and the ladies had apparently found that stimulating. It was only for an hour or two, and she'd still get to do her homework. In fact, she'd be expected to as part of her 'draw' or 'charm', however you put it.

Then again, she'd have to spend time with the King, the Shadow King, and the Imps.

"How about a trial basis? I work until the end of next week and make my decision then?"

Kyouya shrugged. "Very well. It's not like this is a binding contract. It's an after-school club, after all, not a business."

Haruhi noted that she wasn't alone in giving Kyouya a disbelieving look. Seems that the others in the group (with the notable exception of Tamaki) were aware how things were really run around here.

"Ne, Haru-chan! You're going to be a Host with us? We'll have so much fun!"

Haruhi couldn't help her grin as she looked down at the beaming boy. "It's just for a week, Mitsu-chan. I still haven't made up my mind."

The boy nicknamed 'Honey' gave an angelic laugh. "I like you, Haru-chan! You play along with me, and Takashi likes you too!"

Haruhi raised a brow, turning to the giant still sat at the table, sipping tea. "Really?"

The kendo champion finished his sip. "Yeah," he said monosyllabically, but then that was just his way.

Haruhi grinned. Well, at least a third of the club was pleasant company. She just might be able to handle this. "Okay then. I guess that starting today, I am a Host!"

KISSKISSFALLINLOVE

Haruhi's first assignment had been to run to a convenience store. Apparently, Tamaki had a grand plan to make Haruhi's first 'official' day be a 'Showcase of Commoner Lifestyle!' (and it was apparently misspelled without the three exclamation points). The whole session would consist of Haruhi showing off dagashi, giving workshops on how to make cup ramen, answering any question the ladies had about how the other half (more like the other 99%) lived, and of course offering taste tests of instant coffee.

It actually wasn't too horrible. It was amusing to see the reactions her classmates had to the price and tastiness of the various food. She just might have turned Tamaki into an addict for cheap junk food, he'd scarfed down so many noodles and cups of coffee. The twins were fascinated by the toys that had been thrown in with her purchase. She'd gently corrected many assumptions and downright falsehoods about the lower class the customers had heard about during their sheltered upbringing. As expected, some people were fascinated with the fact her father was a tranny and asked her all kinds of questions about the red-light district as well.

However, Haruhi couldn't help but notice that one girl was glaring at her the entire time. The same long-haired brunette that Tamaki had been entertaining the day before.

Haruhi went home exhausted but oddly happy. It was nice to spend time with other people outside a class setting. Maybe this Host Club wouldn't be too bad. Though she was determined not to get sucked into any big events or crazy costumes. Her dad had a conniption over her spending time with the 'King', but Haruhi managed to talk him around to the points Kyouya had laid out. Then she'd thrown in how pretty some of the customers had thought he was and that took care of that.

The next day, Haruhi got through the school day, doing homework on the breaks and during lunch to free up as much as she could for the Host Club, because even if she worked as she hosted it would be at a slower pace since she was juggling conversations. The Hitachiin twins were curiously absent, though perhaps they'd realized that she wasn't easily toyed with and had given up.

When she got to the Host Club, she had to endure a half-hour session of Tamaki giving her 'tips', most of which she discarded but some of which seemed to make sense. The 'pinky as a cushion' when setting down a glass to minimize noise seemed like a proper posh habit to adopt, and the whole 'looking up at an angle' thing was something her own dad did at the bar. So, when the Club opened and Haruhi was sat at her own table with her first 'real' clients, she felt as prepared as she could be.

"Tell me, Haruhi, what are your hobbies?"

"Mostly studying and reading."

"Is it true that you commute by train? Why not a car?"

"A car just seemed more trouble than it's worth, given how convenient the train is."

"I'm curious, what kind of products do you use on your skin? It's very smooth."

"No, nothing special. Just good genes, I guess." Feeling a tad overwhelmed, Haruhi reached for the glass on the table. "Would you like another cup?" she asked, trying to embody politeness and courtesy.

"Ah… yes, please?" the blushing girl answered.

"May I have one too?" asked the girl at her side.

Off to the side, the twins and Kyouya, who were free, marveled at the display. "Why do they like it?" Hikaru asked, baffled.

"His innocence is probably refreshing," Kyouya explained.

"And it's not like we have any other 'polite' characters," Kaoru mused.

Off to the side, Tamaki 'sneakily' peeked over the edge of the sofa, trying to get the best vantage point.

Back with Haruhi, one of the girls held her hands to her mouth. "Your mother passed away ten years ago from an illness? Then what do you do about the household chores?"

"Of, I do them myself," Haruhi explained, a fond look of nostalgia coming over her features. "My mother loved cooking, she left a lot a recipes when she was hospitalized. Learning to cook them one by one was fun. And when I cooked them well, my dad would be proud." Haruhi gave a genuine smile "I love those times very much."

All three girls had hearts in their eyes.

"So, do you think…"

"Would it be okay…"

"If we requested you tomorrow?"

Haruhi tilted her head and rested it on her fist. "I'd really enjoy that. It's nice talking to beautiful girls like yourselves."

One of them actually fainted. Huh, Haruhi really was a natural at this, wasn't she? Would it be easier or harder to be a Hostess, she wondered? After all, men had different emotional needs and interests.

There was a snap. "Haruhi? Come here for a second," called Tamaki, gesturing with his finger.

Suppressing her annoyance at being summoned like a dog, Haruhi got up and walked over. "Yes, Suou-senpai?"

"Haruhi, I'd like you to meet Princess Ayanokouji. Say hello to my best customer," Tamaki said, gesturing to girl at his side.

Haruhi recognized her. It was the same girl who had glared at her all of yesterday. Haruhi couldn't speak to her manners, or her taste in men, but it was nice to be nice, right? "Very nice to meet you," Haruhi said with an indiscreet smile.

Suddenly, Haruhi was grabbed under her armpits and lifted up before she started spinning so fast the room blurred. "CUTE! That shy look of cuteness was good, good, very good!" Tamaki gushed, sent into a tizzy by the perfect performance of his protégé.

With unerring accuracy, Haruhi brought up her knee.

"Yeowch!" called out one of the twins.

"Man down! Repeat, Tono is down for the count!"

Haruhi looked down pitilessly at the boy she'd just hit in the family jewels. "1 meter of distance. That was the rule. I don't like people touching me without permission, Suou-senpai. I thought you'd learned that by now."

"S-s-sorry, Haruhi-kun. Daddy got carried away," the blond teen sputtered out.

"I already have a father, I don't need another one. You're my senpai, nothing more."

Haruhi didn't notice the look of evil that crossed Ayanokouji's features.

The next day, when Haruhi went to get her bag from her locker, she found it missing. She looked around, only to catch a glimpse of something floating in the pool outdoors. Haruhi looked closely and realized with dismay that someone had thrown her bag out the window. "Are you kidding me? I didn't think there were bullies at this school." As she ran for the staircase she reflected "Guess they're everywhere."

On her way down the hall, she passed Princess Ayanokouji.

"Oh, look, it's the commoner." She stated. "Tamaki-sama sure has fixed you up nice, hasn't he? Teaching you how to be a host an all. While you're at it… why don't you fix the faults in your upbringing too?" she asked snidely, walking away.

"No doubt about it, she's probably the culprit," Haruhi mused as she ran her hands along the bottom of the pool. She'd rescued the bag itself and most of her books, but now she was looking for her wallet. "I can't worry about it now. My food money is in that wallet." Plus, a picture of her mother, which was the real point of concern.

"Hey, commoner!" Haruhi paused, looking up to see Tamaki with a tic on his forehead. "What a nice hobby you have, skipping club activity to play in the water."

"Oh, sorry, I totally forgot," Haruhi apologized.

Tamaki noted her drenched school supplies. "Huh? Why is your bag so wet?"

Haruhi was tempted to name names, but she didn't want to sink to the level of the so-called 'princess'. "I… dropped it. But now I can't find my wallet."

"Dummy. You should always keep your wallet in your bag." Such stingy advice from a rich person almost took Haruhi aback. She was even more shocked when he took off his shoes and blazer to join her in the pool.

"Hey! You don't have to do that! You'll get all wet."

"That's okay. A little water never hurt anybody. Besides, people always say I'm 'dripping' with good looks."

Haruhi was touched by the gesture. He may be a little too touchy-feely, but Tamaki actually was a nice guy underneath it all.

"Hey, is this what you're looking for?" Tamaki asked, holding up her wallet in his hand. "Hmm, what? You're making that cute face again. Have you fallen for me?" Tamaki asked teasingly.

Haruhi puffed out her cheeks and looked to the side, snatching the wallet out of his hand. "As if."

But Haruhi couldn't deny that Tamaki had risen in her personal view.

KISSKISSFALLINLOVE

"I see… it was so troublesome. It's scary that the bag fell in the pond by itself, isn't it?" asked Ayanokouji as she sipped her tea.

"Yes…" Haruhi said flatly. Why had she been requested when it was clear her client hated her guts for some reason?

"But you went too far, bothering Tamaki-sama. It was only for that cheap bag, right?" The nefarious princess leaned forward, her chin resting on her joined hands. "Don't think that he loves you. Tamaki-sama is taking good care of you because your family background is new to him. Maybe bad things will keep happening so long as you tag along with Tamaki-sama without thinking."

The threat was obvious, as was the reasoning behind it. Haruhi marveled at just how _small_ the girl before her was. "I see now. You're jealous." Whether this girl had divined Haruhi's true gender or was just that insecure that even another boy was seen as a threat, Haruhi could not tell. But she could scarcely believe that this scenario was actually happening.

Something in Ayanokouji's eyes seemed to snap. She reached forward and grabbed Haruhi by her shirt, pulling back. Dazed and unprepared, Haruhi followed her, knocking over the table until she landed on all fours in a compromising position over the princess. Whom started to scream.

"Wah! Help! Haruhi-kun suddenly became violent!" Haruhi felt her heart stop. The way this looked… she could be expelled. And Ayanokouji knew it, judging by the malicious glint in her eyes even as she pretended to cry. "I knew he was barbarous. Somebody, teach this commoner a lesson!"

Splash!

The twins had poured water on them. "Oh, sorry," Hikaru said.

"Our hands slipped," said Kaoru, clearly being ingenuous.

Haruhi looked at them in confusion, while Ayanokouji seemed scandalized. "What…" she began, only to be stopped by Kyouya stepping forward with photographs. If you flipped them, it would show a time-lapse of Ayanokouji tipping Haruhi's bag out the window.

"Did you think we didn't know about it? Please don't look down on our information network," the evil mastermind behind the Host Club said pedantically.

"This person is scary," Honey stated, pointing at Ayanokouji with tears in his eyes. There was no swifter way to get the rest of the room on Haruhi's side than that.

"You look beautiful outside," Tamaki said leadingly, holding Ayanokouji's chin.

"Tamaki-sama, this guy…." She started, trying to mount a desperate defense.

Tamaki cut her off by standing up, brushing the hand he'd touched her with through his hair. "It's no good if you only _look_ good. I'm sorry to say this, but can you please never come back?" Behind Tamaki, the twins stuck out their tongues at the disgraced princess. "You cannot be a customer if you behave badly toward my fellow club member. I may have just met him, but I know this: Haruhi is not that kind of a man."

"Tamaki-sama… you idiot!" Ayanokouji cried, fleeing from the room as fast as her heeled shoes could carry her.

Tamaki turned on Haruhi, a look of disappointment in his eyes. "Now, how to punish you, because this really is all your fault."

Say what?!

"All of next week, you have to dress like a girl!" Tamaki declared.

Haruhi raised a brow. That was his idea of punishment. While Haruhi wouldn't mind feminine attire for a few days, she was still upset over being punished in the first place. "That's not fair! Senpai!"

"If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have lost my best customer. And I wouldn't have had to go looking for wallets with this beautiful body~." Tamaki was positively preening.

Haruhi had never wanted to hit someone more than she did in that moment.

Then, of course, he turned and gave her an encouraging smile. "I have high hopes for you, my little rookie," he said, offering her a hand to help her stand up.

Haruhi huffed and decided to accept her 'punishment' with grace. "Remember, I'm a trial member. I might never come back after next week. Especially after you embarrassed me like that."

Tamaki suddenly looked panicked. He never really thought through the consequences of his actions, did he? He just lived in his own little world.

Kyouya came forward with a bag. "Here. This is the only spare uniform we have. It fits with your punishment, and at least it's dry, right?"

Haruhi peaked in the bag. Ah, the dreaded Ouran Academy girl's uniform. Still, it was better than her wet clothes. "Thanks, you guys. I'm going to go change."

Haruhi went off to a curtained-off corner, where she began to undress. She was out of her shirt and just about to take off her chemise when she heard the curtain move. "Haruhi! I got you some towels."

Haruhi turned, spying Tamaki standing frozen, the towels falling out of his limp hand. She could well imagine what he was seeing: her wet hair hanging down and sticking to her face, her chemise damp from the water and clinging to her tiny buds of A-cup breasts. Tamaki stepped back, the curtain closing behind him. Sighing, Haruhi hurried out of her wet clothes and into the yellow dress.

"Haruhi? So… you're a girl?" Tamaki asked, hesitant as a little boy asking if Santa Clause were real or not and dreading the answer.

"Biologically speaking, yes," she replied, pulling back the curtain. She just knew that the dress ruined any androgyny in her image, making her look completely feminine.

Tamaki seemed to lose his mind, spouting gibberish and pulling clumps of his hair out.

"Ah. He finally noticed. He's a dummy after all," noted Hikaru.

"But he probably knew by instinct. Nobody would do that much for a guy," Kaoru commented.

Takashi remained silent.

"I knew from the beginning!" Honey declared with pride.

"It's a pretty interesting development," Kyouya stated.

Haruhi shrugged. "Listen, I don't really care whether you guys think of me as a guy or a girl. My concept of gender is probably a lot more fluid than the average person's, thanks to my dad. And I don't really care much for appearances. It's all what's on the inside that counts, right?"

Tamaki was rendered speechless, pointing a finger accusingly at Haruhi but unable to come up with anything to say.

"But, senpai, I did think what you did was pretty cool, earlier," Haruhi confessed, turning to smile at Tamaki. He blushed red as a tomato.

"And actually, I realized it's not that bad to be popular among the girls. I'm probably a little into that. Oh yeah, I should probably address myself with 'ore' from now on, seal the deal. And it should be funny to see people react when I use it and I'm in dresses and skirts next week." Haruhi gathered her things and walked to the door. "Have a nice weekend, everyone! See you on Monday!" With that, Haruhi left.

Tamaki finally seemed to recover himself. "Everyone! I… I… I saw something."

The twins leaned in, all interested. "Really? Really? Paint us a word picture."

"I don't think we should talk about Haru-chan behind her back like this," Honey spoke up.

"Hmm," Mori grunted in agreement.

"Please keep the details to yourself, Tamaki. Not all of us are as perverted as you are," Kyouya stated, writing in his journal.

"Everyone! This is important!"

At that, the others paid true attention.

"I only caught a glimpse, but I swear… _she has the mark!_ "

* * *

 **Dun-dun-dun! Hope this proved entertaining to one other nerdy soul out there in the big, bad world. Future updates will depend on my mood and current interest. Good luck with life!**


	3. Chapter 3

**My thanks to Lilac's Garden of Ideas, Roadrunner01 and Molly Grace 16 for joining my reviewers, as well as Cynthia of the Wallflowers and 2ndsly for the second reviews. Now, on with the show!**

* * *

The Host Club was assembled in Tamaki's bedroom. Various toys and video games were littered around the floor, the clean perfection the maids had left it in that morning already trampled beyond recognition. This was a usual occurrence most weekends, the six boys visiting each other when they didn't have any family engagements and just hanging out. They would play games, watch TV and movies, talk about girls and future Host Club activities, and generally have a good time. Sometimes a _very_ good time, if the mood was right.

But today, the air was most solemn. Today, they were discussing the possibility of having found their missing soulmate.

The twins had known they shared a matching soulmark since puberty, when they'd appeared at the same time while they were bathing. It was just another way for them to be identical to their minds, confirming they were destined to be together forever, hopefully with someone that could tell them apart and treasure them individually and not just as a unit. Honey and Mori had discovered their match in the showers after one of their spars at the dojo. Ever since, what little distance there had been between them vanished as they became attached at the hip. Honey was determined to never be without 'his' Takashi, a friend and loved one dearer to him than even Usa-chan, and Mori felt the same way for Honey. Kyouya and Tamaki had found their match under… exciting circumstances. It was the day Tamaki had made his first unannounced visit to Kyouya's house, and they had the conversation where Kyouya finally snapped and attacked Tamaki, accusing him of not making full use of his position and all the opportunities it afforded. Tamaki had fired back that Kyouya was clearly unhappy where he was, and he should try his hardest to achieve all his goals, third son or not. In the tussle, they'd both ripped their t-shirts, which had revealed the soulmark emblazoned on both their chests. Kyouya had gone into hysterics, finally having an answer to how a complete dumbass was able to see right through him: they were soulmates.

The three pairs hadn't discovered they were a match until forming the Host Club, when they'd first started changing into various costumes. A glance had led to confrontations which led to explanations, and the six realized that they were bound for life. They'd since become the closest group of friends Ouran had ever seen. While Tamaki had originally founded the Host Club on the idea that it was what beautiful people with too much time on their hands should do, it had since become a secret hunt to find the 'red rose', the woman who would become the center of six men's universe. They flirted with half the school, trying to track down the one that would be compatible with all six of them, with no results.

And now, two years later, it looked like their prayers might have been answered in the form of the trial Host, the special scholarship student.

"How can we be sure it's Haruhi?" the twins asked in concert.

"I'm telling you, I know what I saw! It was a red rose inside a wreath! Here, see?" Tamaki demanded, showing a sketch made to the best of his (horrible) artistic abilities. It looked little better than a stick person with a squiggle on their chest.

"We'll need more to go on than your… questionable eyewitness, Tamaki," Kyouya explained.

"Ne, well, let's think about it? Can we all see ourselves with Haru-chan?" Mitsukuni asked thoughtfully, pausing in his continuous cake consumption. "I can! She's nice, she calls me by my real name in a cute way, and she's a black belt! Ne, Takashi, you like her too, don't you?"

Takashi nodded. "Yeah." After a moment, wonder of wonders, he continued with a full sentence. "I wanted to rescue her from Tamaki that day, but she rescued herself."

"That hurt, I'll have you know!" Tamaki protested. Then he leaned back as if faint. "But I must admit, such fiery passion and independence warms something inside me. I never liked the idea of a meek, subservient bride. Haruhi is so self-sufficient! She'd all hard and prickly, but you can tell there's a soft, chewy center she only shows to those she cares about. Ah, I'm in love already!"

"So, Tono is a masochist? The first girl you really like is one that beat the crap out of you, twice." Hikaru asked teasingly.

"Wonder how Haruhi feels about S&M? How do you think she'd look in a corset with a whip?" Kaoru said offhandedly.

The six hormonal boys actually did for a second. More than half had to hide nosebleeds.

"Still, we haven't talked about how we're going to make sure? I mean, it's not like we can just ask her to show us her soulmark. That's as good as asking someone to flash you." Kaoru continued, after stuffing a tissue up his nose.

It was true. Soulmarks were considered as private as genitalia and just as scandalous to reveal by the more conservative of Japanese society. Most people used cover-up or fake skin patches whenever they had reason to take off their shirts in order to keep them hidden. The Ootori group itself had patented a non-cancerous aerosol to cover up soulmarks in a variety of skin tones.

Tamaki considered it. "I got it! On Monday, we have a Bali-themed day. I found this photobook in my desk and it looks perfect. When Haruhi goes to put on her costume, we'll see it!"

"How do we know she'll put on the costume? She's a trial member, she might not agree to go along with a theme day," Hikaru pointed out, shooting Tamaki down.

"Ne, Kyo-chan, what are you doing?" Honey asked the Ootori scion, whom was typing furiously at his computer.

"I'm checking to see if Fujioka Haruhi is a patient at one of my family's hospitals. If she is, then her soulmark will be on file. That way, we can confirm if she is in fact our soulmate instead of going through with Tamaki's half-baked schemes to get her shirtless."

"Oh! Clever!" the twins cheered.

Mori narrowed his eyes. "Illegal."

"Technically, no. It's just an internal audit, checking to see all the data is in order," Kyouya countered, his glasses flashing as they always did when he was up to something.

Tamaki was chewing on his bedsheets. "Can we really do this? It seems like such an invasion of privacy. But I really, really want to make sure." Tamaki turned to his lover and oldest friend. "Kyouya, before you do this…"

"Already done." Kyouya turned the computer around, showing the screen to the room. "Looks like Tamaki was right."

They all stared. There was a picture of Haruhi, perhaps a bit younger, her hair a tad longer, looking as stunning as always. Beneath a few lines of medical information, there was another photo. It was a close-up of her soulmark. They studied it closely, and by all accounts it was identical to the one on each of their chests. A white rose (Tamaki), a light purple (Kyouya), orange (Hikaru), blue (Kaoru), pink (Mitsukuni) and dark purple (Takashi), all joined in a circle. And in the center, a glorious red bloom, apparently representing Haruhi.

"It's really her," the twins breathed out.

"I told you," Tamaki said faintly, his face heating up as he realized he was looking at Haruhi's breast, albeit an extreme close-up.

"She's our special someone, ne? The icing on our cake, the one to bring us all together, the mother of our children someday." Honey said dreamily.

"Let's hope she's open to a large family. She'll need to have at least five sons, one for each of our families," Kyouya said, already calculating logistics and the minutiae of the future arrangement.

"Hold your horses, people! You're acting like we're already engaged! How is this even going to work?" Tamaki asked.

"Complicated," Mori offered simply. "But worth it," he added.

"Well, how do we break the news to her? Hell, what are we going to say to our parents?" Tamaki questioned.

The twins shrugged their shoulders. "Mom won't mind. And Dad will go along with whatever she says," the twins offered.

"Mama and Papa will be happy that Takashi and I get to be together!" Honey supplied, getting an indulgent grin from his other half (third? seventh?) beside him.

Kyouya straightened his glasses. "My father told me to get close to the heir of the Suou family. It's hard to get closer than a group marriage. He should be quite pleased. Though the lawyers will have a headache. This is set to be the biggest merger of fortunes in recent history. We might face opposition." He tilted his head. "As for how we tell Haruhi, Tamaki may have had the right idea earlier."

"Huh? Me?" Tamaki asked, holding up a finger and pointing to himself.

KISSKISSFALLINLOVE

Haruhi paused in doing her homework as the sound of the clock tower's bell ringing went off. She checked her watch and barely held in a curse. It was 2:45, almost time for the Host Club to open. And she wasn't even in the right building! "I'll never hear the end of it if I'm late," she muttered to herself, gathering her things in her bag before running, taking care not to trip on her skirt.

Her father had found her 'punishment' for driving away Ayanokouji simply hilarious. He took great pleasure in helping Haruhi coordinate her wardrobe to give off the image of a girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl. She'd worn an ankle-length skirt under an off-the-shoulder sweater for the day. Students had pointed, but news of her membership (however temporary) in the Host Club and the King's decree had spread like wildfire. The teachers didn't mention anything, already knowing she was a girl and not seeing anything wrong with her new clothing choices. Surprisingly, Haruhi had gotten many compliments from other girls, commenting how cute 'he' looked as a girl. Guess the idea she was male had taken root in the minds of her peers.

Haruhi made it to the Music Room, pausing to catch her breath before she opened the door. She braced herself for more teasing from the twins, whom had been even clingier than usual today, barely leaving her side for a moment. They'd left early for the Club, teasing her about a surprise when she got there.

Bracing herself, Haruhi opened the door.

A wave of exotic, tropical scents and strange animal calls hit her. As Haruhi stepped in, she wondered if she'd somehow been transported to another country. Palm trees and thick ferns surrounded her, populated by giant lizards and toucans and other animals that had no business being in Japan outside a zoo. Haruhi's focus was drawn, though, to the six men arranged in front of the door.

"Welcome!" they said, smiling genially.

Haruhi almost stopped breathing, for a variety of reasons.

Firstly, the _heat_. She just realized, it was sweltering in the room. It was easily in the 30s Celsius. She'd walked out of early Spring and into a southern summer. In her sweater and thick skirt, she would soon be sweating.

Secondly, the _hotness_. Baby come to mama. Haruhi had never really thought of herself as a sexual creature, but the sight of those toned torsos did things to her insides she'd never experienced before.

Thirdly, the sheer _ridiculousness_. What was this, a kabuki theater? Why were they in such outlandish get-up? Was this a theme party or something? The extravagance of their surroundings made clear that a _lot_ of money had been spent to arrange this whole set-up. Who went that far for an after-school club?

Last, but certainly not least, _they all had her soulmark_.

Suou Tamaki, the King of the club and narcissistic idiot. Ootori Kyouya, who fit the mold of a heartless tax-collector or crooked magistrate to a T. Hitachiin Hikaru and Kaoru, the single most annoying pair of boys she'd ever had the misfortune of meeting. Haninozuka Mitsukuni, aka Honey, the cutest little thing you could get without venturing into the land of baby animals. Morinozuka Takashi, who was the very epitome of tall, dark, and quiet. All six of them had the wreath of roses on their left breast, the same spot where she had it.

' _Mother, up in heaven, give me strength to survive this. You know that club I joined? Turns out they're my soulmates. I don't know whether to jump and cheer or run screaming. Maybe both, just to be safe.'_

"Haruhi, you're late," Hikaru stated.

"We heard you coming and thought you were a customer. We didn't even have time to cover up our soulmarks," Kaoru said, reaching up to lay a hand over his like a blushing maiden covering her modesty.

Haruhi, in a state of shock, said the first thing that went through her head. "Isn't it April?"

Tamaki stood up, waving his fan and twirling to show off his Balinese king regalia. "Huddling under a kotatsu table, fearing the cold would be nonsense. And besides, our heating and air conditioning system is… the best!" he declared.

Haruhi made a sound. She wasn't sure it had any meaning or intent, it just slipped out.

"Do you have some kind of criticism of our club's policies?" Kyouya asked, sounding polite and eager to hear her thoughts in such a way as to convey that any word against the club would result in unimaginable torment.

Haruhi shook her head, feeling like her soul was floating up out of her mouth like a ghost.

"Fine men do not bundle up under bulky clothing! It may be a chilly early spring out in the world, but in our club, we welcome our chilly little kittens to a warm, south tropical aura! Yes! Today, this place is a supreme paradise, a hot, hot island of everlasting summer?" Tamaki declared, wrapping a hand around her shoulders.

"I, on the other hand, feel a chill, in every sense of the word," Haruhi managed to snark. She turned her head left, and was met with two things: the smooth pectorals of a fit young man, and _her_ soulmark so close that she could see that even the petals on the roses were in the proper position.

It proved too much for her, and she fell unconscious.

"Haruhi!" screamed six concerned high schoolers.

Mori was the first to reach her, catching her as she fell, cushioning her head before it hit the hard floor. Kyouya was there next, using the first-aid knowledge he hadn't so much learned as absorbed through the skin to ascertain her condition. Tamaki and Honey hovered over her, worrying, while the twins watched awkwardly from the side, not sure how to help.

"We need a nurse! Get a doctor! Call in a surgical team!" Tamaki was in full panic mode.

"Is Haru-chan going to be alright, Kyo-chan?" asked a teary-eyed Honey.

The twins, unable to cope with the stress, resorted to anger. "This is all your fault, Tono!" Hikaru accused.

"Yeah, it was your stupid 'show off our soulmarks' idea that did this to her!" Kaoru followed up.

"ME?! It was Kyouya's idea!"

"Actually, it was originally your idea, I just suggested we follow through with it. An error I'll take care to avoid repeating in the future," Kyouya spoke up, throwing his partner under the bus mercilessly. "She seems fine, just overwhelmed. Between the temperature shock and the sight of our soulmark, she must not have been able to process it all and her system shut down temporarily."

"Does that mean she doesn't want us?" Honey asked, huddling into himself.

"No," Mori spoke up, reaching over to ruffle his (distant) cousin's hair.

"It was too much at once. Give her time to rest and she'll wake up on her own. In fact, I think she's stirring now," Kyouya stated, reaching up to brush Haruhi's forehead, feeling her temperature and brushing her hair in one movement.

True to his word, Haruhi's eyes were scrunching. She blinked a couple times and opened up those big, beautiful eyes. She looked up at them all hovering over her, still in their costumes.

"Oh. You're still here. So, it wasn't a dream."

Honey lost control and cuddled into her, holding himself tight to her chest. "Haru-chan! Tell me you're okay! We were so worried."

Haruhi blinked hazily. "I'm fine, Mitsu-chan. Just… got a surprise I wasn't expecting."

"What surprise?" the twins asked, wondering if she'd come out and admit they were soulmates immediately.

"I just… didn't know you all shared a soulmark," Haruhi said carefully. She needed time to reflect on this. She wasn't just going to fall into their arms like some heroine out of a romance manga. Screw fate or destiny, if she was meant to be with them, then it would happen on her own damn terms. She'd had enough of having her life decided for her by external pressures. That was the thing she liked most about her new wealth, the freedom it provided. Before she was caged in those big strong arms surrounding her, she needed to carefully think it through, with both her head and heart. And she wasn't going to be able to do that in a couple minutes.

Tamaki looked almost… wounded, but he recovered. "Oh, yes. All six of us are soulmates. We should have warned you, I suppose, but it's not something that comes up in casual conversation, is it?"

"No, no it isn't," Haruhi agreed. She rubbed Honey on the back. "Can I get up now? We're about to open for business, right?"

Kyouya stood up, adjusting his glasses. "Indeed. Our first customers will be arriving shortly."

The twins pulled out cans of aerosol cover-up. "Everyone take yours and spray on," they commanded, turning to do each other once the other four grabbed their respective cannister.

Haruhi got up and straightened her clothes. Tucking her bag away in the corner, she shook her head and put on her 'game' face. She'd get through the club, go home, and finish her freak out then.

In all the excitement, Tamaki didn't get to offer Haruhi her Balinese queen costume. Just as well, she wouldn't have worn it anyway.

Haruhi was so distracted by the thought of the Host Club sharing her soulmark that she couldn't properly remember what happened during the session. All she could recollect was that the club would be hosting a dance party the next week, and Haruhi had supposedly become the 'favorite' of Kasugazaki Kanako. The latter fact seemed to have sent Tamaki into a depression.

"Tono! Stop eating commoner's ramen and help with the dance party planning!" The twins called out.

"Is this about Princess Kasuga? It's not like her illness is a recent development," Kyouya called out, most of his attention on the computer before him.

"Illness?" Haruhi asked, concerned.

"Wandering host-hopping disease," Hikaru explained.

"Otherwise known as never-the-same-boy-twice disease," Kaoru elaborated.

"Normally, our clients select one host and stay with them in perpetuity. Princess Kasuga, however, changes her favorite with regularity." Kyouya's fingers tapped at the rate of a machine-gun even as he talked.

"Until last time, she was with Tama-chan, ne?" Honey supplied helpfully.

Haruhi felt her shoulders slump as the sad reality made itself clear to her. "I see. He's upset that I 'stole' her from him."

"THAT'S NOT IT AT ALL!" Tamaki roared, suddenly right at the table when seconds ago he was slurping cup ramen by the window. While Honey got teary at being yelled at, Haruhi watched as Tamaki seemed to have a mental breakdown. "It just boggles my mind! How can you be so woefully popular with the girls when you yourself are a girl? You're even dressed like one and still they like you! If anything, they seem to like it!" Tamaki cried as if reporting that his entire family had been killed in a car accident. "To put it bluntly, the only ones that realize your true gender are in this room!"

"She's elected against taking any P.E. classes," Hikaru reported from Tamaki's sides, playing along with the madness.

"Attendance numbers are mixed between boys and girls, so no one can tell," Kaoru continued.

Tamaki pulled out a chest from off-screen, labeled "King's private property". "Daddy wants… Daddy wants… Daddy wants you back the way you used to be!" Tamaki screamed, in a remarkably good impression of her actual father. He'd pulled out a massive frame, within which was a blow-up of her photo ID from her first year of middle school, before the lottery and Haruhi had started cultivating her image. She was most definitely a girl, wearing the typical sailor uniform and with waist-length hair.

"Please don't go blowing up pictures of me without my permission!" Haruhi screamed. That was SO creepy! Soulmate or not, that just crossed a line!

"The more I look at this, the more I marvel at it." Hikaru stated, studying the photo alongside the rese of the Host Club. Secretely, they were all melting inside at just how cute a feminine Haruhi was. "How did _this_ become _that_ ," he asked, gesturing from the frame to Haruhi, who even in a skirt managed to somehow come off as just a very pretty boy playing dress-up instead of an actual girl.

"I don't like the labels and expectations society has about 'man' and 'woman'. Once my family came into money, I was able to create my own 'style' that blurs the line between them. I really don't care whether people think of me as a dude or a chick, you know? I just want to be Haruhi." Haruhi fiddled with her hair, hoping they would understand.

Tamaki seemed to focus on all the wrong information. "A girl should never refer to herself as a dude OR a chick! Mommy! Haruhi is using dirty words!" Tamaki cried, blowing his nose into a handkerchief as tears streamed from his eyes.

"Who's 'Mommy'?" Kaoru asked.

"Judging by club position, I'm guessing it's me," Kyouya answered in a long-suffering tone.

Haruhi rolled her eyes. "Boy or girl, it doesn't matter. I'm a Host, and I plan on staying one for a while."

Tamaki perked up. "Really? What about your trial period?"

Haruhi bit her lip. In all honesty, she'd been on the fence that morning, wanting to wait the full week to make her decision. But since learning about the Club's shared soulmark, she knew she couldn't be away from them. Whether as mere acquaintance or publicly acknowledged love, they were meant to be together. Besides, Haruhi needed to be close to them to gather information and decide if she was ready to reveal herself to them. Naturally, she wasn't going to tell Tamaki any of that, so she said "It's fun being a Host. Plenty of pretty girls hanging on your every word. Who wouldn't be interested?"

Apparently, the very concept of Haruhi and lesbianism in any relation to each other was enough to short-circuit Tamaki's brain. With a puff of smoke, he collapsed to the floor, his face as red as a ripe tomato. Unseen by Haruhi, the twins and oddly enough Takashi had to hide similar reactions.

Recovering himself. Hikaru asked "In that case, do you have any experience in social dancing? It's essential to the party."

Haruhi felt herself break out in a nervous sweat. She had NO experience dancing whatsoever. "You know what, I'm a new member. Do I really have to go to the party? My dad doesn't like me staying out too late anyway, so when it comes to events…" she tried to quibble.

Tamaki, smelling weakness, was suddenly upright and in full aristocratic air. "No, social dances are a common practice for gentlemen. If you want to walk the path of the host that badly, then you have to show us how far you are willing to go, Haruhi-kun! If you cannot master the waltz in a week, and demonstrate it at next week's dance party," Tamaki said, giving a twirl before pointing a dramatic finger, "Then I will tell the whole school that you are a girl and you will have to leave the Host Club!"

Haruhi felt her irritation peak, so she snarked "Are you sure about that? Maybe some of your customers would be interested in some feminine attention to mix things up a little."

Tamaki collapsing again was a hollow victory, but it was worth it to Haruhi.

KISSKISSFALLINLOVE

For the next week, Haruhi received waltzing lessons from Princess Kasuga. The first day was made awkward by the appearance of her fiancé, Suzushima Toru. The others of the club assumed that Kanako's host-hopping was due to a desire to soak up all the male attention she could before she was lumped with such a boring man. Haruhi saw the truth, though. Though their marriage was arranged, Kasuga had real feeling for Suzushima; the various hosts were an effort to make him jealous and prove he wanted her.

Tamaki had taken in all the information and declared that the purpose of the Ouran Host Club was to bring happiness to girls. He'd then begun scheming with the other members of the club to develop some overcomplicated plan to ensure the two ended up together. Haruhi stayed out of it, focusing on picking up the basics of formal dancing as fast as she could.

At last, the dance party was upon them. Freed of her 'punishment' of wearing women's clothes, Haruhi was in a three-piece suit the twins had picked out for her. Having a fashion designer for a mom had led to a keen eye and impeccable taste. Haruhi whole-heartedly approved of the get-up, while Tamaki was probably pining to see her in a gown or something.

The central hall was filled to the brim with well-dressed girls, along with a full orchestra. Tamaki declared the festivities open, Kyouya adding that at the end of the night, one lucky girl would receive an impassioned kiss on the cheek from the King. The girls went absolutely wild, some of them outright fainting. The noise was like nails down a chalkboard to Haruhi's ear. Not only was she stressed about stepping on some high society lady's toes, but one of _her_ soulmates—but that was neither here nor there, was it?

"Haruhi, your enthusiasm is low," the twins lightly scolded.

"I'm not used to this kind of thing," she admitted. "The only dance party I've ever been to is the festival at the neighborhood park."

"You probably can't call that a dance party," Kyouya said, writing something down in his folder like always. Next to him, Honey was sat on Mori's shoulders, looking gosh-darn cute doing it. "Well, you're here anyway, so why don't you at least try the cuisine? We've got quite a spread."

Haruhi perked up. "Oh? Do you have fatty tuna? That's my favorite."

Her words were like a bomb to her fellow Hosts.

Kyouya broke his pencil before pulling out his phone. Tamaki flipped over the railing to land in front of her, ordering Kyouya "Get some fatty tuna here, stat!" The twins were hugging her, rubbing their cheeks against her head and repeating "You poor thing!" over and over again.

Haruhi heated up, both at the overreaction and the nuzzling. "You two have five seconds to get off me before I break your arms in five different places."

They were off her in a flash, eyeing her like she was a rabid dog. Well, she'd been slightly exaggerating with her threat, but damn it, what part of 'no touching without permission' was so hard to understand?

The Host Club were soon on the dance floor, dancing with the ladies and whispering sweet nothings in gullible ears. Haruhi stood off to the side, until she was approached by Princess Kasuga. Haruhi was about to reward her with an 'official' dance after all the lessons, when the 'operation' kicked off.

To summarize, Haruhi was spirited away and made to 'disguise' herself as a girl. She met up with Suzushima under the pretense of a love letter, with the intent of finding out his true feelings for Kanako. After dealing with the embarrassing letter written by her fellow hosts, Suzushima confessed that he couldn't return her affections. His heart belonged to Kanako, but he knew that as he was he couldn't satisfy her. That's why he made the plan to study abroad, so he might become more worldly and more worthy of her, in the hopes she'd be waiting for him when he got back.

Haruhi had one response to that. "That's so selfish."

As Suzushima recovered from the blow, Haruhi continued. "It's crazy to think she'll understand you when you haven't bothered to tell her so. You have clear feelings for her, so where is the need to put if off? I think people can begin to change from the moment they decide they want to."

Of course, at that moment, Princess Kasuga opened the door. She took one look at the situation and began to cry, excusing herself before running off. Suzushima went after her, calling her name. Haruhi hurried out, only to see Tamaki looking off after the pair.

"Didn't we just make things worse?" Haruhi questioned.

"He _did_ go running after her," Tamaki noted.

Haruhi paused, before smiling. The Ouran Host Club exists to bring happiness to girls, huh?

Kanako and Toru wound up sharing a very romantic dance in the central courtyard, the falling sakura petals acting as a background as the heir to a tableware importer renewed his proposal to his childhood sweetheart.

"May this awkward couple be blessed!" Tamaki declared.

As Tamaki went down to give Kanako her kiss on the cheek (there had been an attempt at a last-minute switch to Haruhi, which she had vehemently shot down), Haruhi wondered if this would be her life from now on. Swept along in the antics of six boys with dizzying wealth and questionable intentions.

As Tamaki slipped on a banana peel and wound up giving Kanako a kiss on the lips, though, Haruhi realized one thing for certain:

The only one allowed to kiss _her_ boys was her.

* * *

 **Things are moving along nicely. I'm going more off the manga than the anime, so Renge is up next. Hopefully you found at least one rose in this garden of romance. Review please!**


	4. Chapter 4

**My thanks to liquidefeather and Momma Lici for reviewing. Now let's witness the antics of the otaku lady manager!**

* * *

Haruhi turned and twisted on her bed. Her dad was already asleep in the other room (he'd insisted she take the bedroom while he was content to rest on a luxury futon in the living room a long time ago), having tired himself out grilling her for details on the dance party and gushing over how handsome she looked in her suit. For Haruhi, though, sleep eluded her.

For over a week now, she'd struggled and grappled with the knowledge that she and the Host Club were all soulmates. There was no mistaking the soulmark she'd seen on all their chests during the Bali fiasco. Every moment she hadn't been engaged in club activities, school, or homework, she'd thought about it. One woman and six men, how could it work? And not just any six boys, the _Ouran Host Club_. A collection of characters right out of a romcom or some other overdone piece of fiction.

Deciding that sleep would elude her until she finally resolved the issue, she got up and went for her laptop. It was a couple years old, the first real gift to herself she'd allowed when the lottery had thrust them into wealth. Her peers at Ouran no doubt had the newest models, discarding the barely year-old ones that came before them without a thought. Haruhi, though, treasured her first real electronic luxury. So, what if it wasn't as fast or had as much memory as its contemporaries? It was _hers_ , by thunder.

Haruhi opened up a document file and began listing out her thoughts, impressions, and feelings for the Host Club members.

"Suou Tamaki: Class 2-A, blond hair and blue eyes (French mother), 183 cm, Aries. Self-proclaimed 'King' of Host Club, which he co-founded, the 'princely' type, supplemented by fact he is 'prince' of Ouran Academy since his father is Chancellor. Wears his heart on his sleeve, prone to getting carried away, a bit dumb and self-absorbed, very passionate about Japanese culture. Can be extremely romantic, even if just playing the part as a Host. A bit like a puppy: beautiful and clumsy, casually breaking or dirtying things and then getting away with it because of his big eyes and smile. Note: possessive rage when he tripped and lip-locked with Princess Kasuga. Relationship would be like storybook fantasy most likely, full of extravagant gestures and heartfelt declarations, would not be surprised if he learned guitar to serenade me. I would be the anchor to keep him from getting lost in the clouds.

"Ootori Kyouya: Class 2-A, black hair and eyes, 181 cm, Scorpio. The 'Shadow King' (slipped Bali photobook into Tamaki's desk), in charge of all the logistics, expenses, and to a degree the operations of the club. The 'cool' type, perhaps describing his icy, aloof exterior, though there are hints of warmth beneath the surface. Third son of Ootori family, chip on shoulder from being expected to live up to but never out-do his older brothers. Calm and collected, a truly fearsome enemy when roused, but equally a formidable ally. Plays things close to the chest, probably has a hard time letting anyone in from years of keeping people at a distance. Manipulative, of course, but generally to everyone's mutual benefit. Relationship would be like a business partnership, taking care of mutual needs, he would no doubt triple our fortune within a year left to his own devices. I would be one of the only people in the world he trusted to let his guard down around."

Haruhi hesitated, before making a single entry for the twins.

"Hitachiin Hikaru and Kaoru: Class 1-A, red hair and brown eyes, 178 cm, Gemini. 'Little devil' type, and how. Most mischievous pranksters I ever met, always looking for the next laugh or joke, often at others' expense. Twin sons of Hitachiin Yuzuha, famous designer, probably expected to follow in her footsteps as artists. Hikaru is the more outspoken, often the first to speak and 10% more ornery than his younger brother. He is better at mathematical and scientific subjects, is loud and brash when by himself, and taps his foot when thinking. Kaoru is more reserved yet more mature, following along with Hikaru's harebrained plans, often filling in the meat of the details to ensure proper execution. He is better at languages, quiet(er) and thoughtful when alone, and chews his pens. Very _very_ close siblings, Hikaru often acts as seme to Kaoru's uke in their brotherly love 'act' (unsure if actual act, would not be surprised either way). Since we are in the same class, I spend the most time with them out of all the club members. Relationship would be a triangle, having to juggle my time between the two while focusing on bonding with both individually as well as together. I would be the meat to their sandwich (ERO-HARUHI!), the planet orbited by two moons, the one they turn to when their sibling is out of reach.

"Haninozuka 'Honey' Mitsukuni: Class 3-A, blond hair and brown eyes, 148 cm, Pisces. The 'boy-Lolita' type, having a baby face and short stature, as well as simply oozing cuteness. National champion of judo and karate six years running, so don't be fooled by his disarming appearance and small size. Heir to the Haninozuka family, so runs the corporation behind all the dojos, closely involved with police and military. Can eat his body weight in cake and other sweets if allowed. Refers to everyone but Takashi and presumably adults by the first two syllables of their name and with 'chan'. Unsure if cuteness is all an act or just his natural character but suspect that he can 'act his age' when the occasion calls for it. Relationship would be light and fun, full of tea parties and perhaps spars, just delighting in spending time together. I would be a mix of his nanny and his favorite toy, someone to be free and play with and forget the troubles of the world."

Haruhi was surprised at that last part, but she trusted her subconscious mind and instincts. That left her with one last entry to make.

"Morinozuka 'Mori' Takashi: Class 3-A, black hair and eyes, 192 cm, Aries. The 'wild' type, though not sure if that word really fits him. He's more the introverted and quiet type, though his height and musculature _do_ suggest a hint of danger. So, a bad boy who is really a good man, certainly a fantasy for most girls. Heir of the Morinozuka family, vassals to the Haninozuka family in all but name. Is rarely seen more than an arm's length away from Mitsukuni, probably been friends from the cradle. If they are lovers, for some reason get the sense that Takashi would be the uke (bad Haruhi, get your mind out of the gutter!). The ultimate big brother, he is protective and supporting without being judgmental, is always ready to help, and his brief speech patterns suggest a clean, simple view of the world. Relationship would be like having a shadow that gives hugs and kisses, with actions speaking louder than words. I would be the guardian of his heart as he was the guardian of my body."

Haruhi stopped and reread what her sleep-deprived mind had spat out. Spelled out in black and white, it seemed she could have a relationship with any of them and ultimately enjoy it. She knew herself well enough to know what she was compatible with. With Takashi and Kyouya, it would be a case of like pairing with like, while the others would be more a case of opposites attract. Both kinds of relationships could work, she knew. And she'd certainly be challenged and forced to grow, trying to herd the twins or deal with Tamaki in a mood or handle Honey without hurting his feelings.

Still, she wasn't quite ready to reveal herself as their soulmate just yet. She valued her independence; it was easy enough to vanish into a relationship when it was just 1-on-1, let alone 1-on-6. Haruhi could easily get swallowed up into each of their worlds, until there was nothing left for just Haruhi. She needed a bit of time to prepare herself before she came out as the 'red rose'. Not to mention explaining all this to her dad, which was certain to be a nightmare and a half.

Her thoughts settled, Haruhi saved the document before turning off her computer. She slipped back under the warm covers and in minutes was out like a light.

Little did she know, at that exact moment, a crazed Frenchwoman was getting on a private jet for Japan.

KISSKISSFALLINLOVE

A couple days passed, and then the Host Club had yet another theme day. Haruhi got the sense that they were a regular occurrence. So, she found herself dolled up in a kimono that cost more than the yearly rent on her apartment and arranged around Tamaki, saying "Welcome!" to the first customers to walk in.

They separated, and Haruhi quickly noticed the theme of the day seemed to be 'tearful young men'. Tamaki said something about 'the spring of his heart' surging with the sight of beautiful ladies. Kaoru actually got wet eyes when Hikaru 'teased' him about how it was his job to undress Kaoru later. Kyouya and Takashi remained as dry as the Sahara, but Mitsukuni made up for it by crying like a waterfall over the fact he'd lost one of his sandals. When Takashi found it and slipped it back on that petite foot that could break bone, Mitsukuni hugged him with rivers of water coming from his ducts.

Haruhi wandered around, eyeing the different scenes and wondering where all the tears were coming from, when she bumped into Kaoru. A small, pocket-sized dispenser of eye drops fell to the floor.

"Isn't this cheating?" Haruhi asked, annoyed both that she hadn't realized from the start and that no one had let her in on the plan. She wouldn't have gone along with it, but feeling excluded was never nice.

"To tell you the truth, it's a common trick among hosts," Hikaru explained, moving his arms so the sleeves covered Haruhi's head from the sides, presumably to provide privacy so she didn't expose the secret to the clients.

"Tama-chan can cry even without drops!" Honey explained helpfully, with the King holding a thumb and finger to his chin from the side and muttering 'Of course'.

"Here you go, some high-class Japanese tea cake that commoners could never hope to buy," Kaoru said with a twinkle, offering her a pink masterpiece enclosed in a glass case. It looked more like a piece of art than a confection, almost too beautiful to eat. Haruhi marveled at it, reflecting that it probably was out of their food budget.

"Haruhi? You like tea cakes?" a nearby girl asked.

"No. I'm not into sweets very much," Haruhi answered. "But I was thinking that it might make a good memorial offering for my mother." Haruhi smiled nostalgically at the thought of how her mom would have reacted in life to being offered such a beautiful sweet. Unknown to her, she sent everyone around her into an overdose of admiration at her cuteness, including the Hosts.

Tamaki, of course, starting piling identical tea cakes into her hand, with the other girls coming forward with their own to offer to the sweet 'boy' whom was so caring to his late parent. Haruhi almost dropped them, she was given so many. Kyouya helpfully took them all and put them in a bag for her to get later. While that was going on, the twins took notice of a new face, hovering by the door.

"What's wrong? Just come in?" Hikaru said, appearing with a rose.

"It's no fun just to watch," Kaoru added, also with a rose, seducing the poor girl in concert with his twin.

Tamaki saw their actions and stepped in. "Be gentler with the new guest!" Tamaki stepped forward, cupping her chin with a finger. "Don't be scared, princess. Welcome to the Ouran Host…" Tamaki was cut off from finishing, as the girl practically punched him in the face, so hard did she push him away.

"Don't touch me, you phony!"

Tamaki held his hand to his face but seemed more hurt by the words than by the blow. "Phony? Me?"

"Yes!" the girl declared, pointing an accusing finger. "I refuse to believe that YOU are the prince character of this Host Club! A prince shouldn't sprinkle his love so easily! How can you be so STUPID! It's as if you're a DIM-WITTED NARCISSIST! USELESS! TOO ORDINARY! You're the WORST!"

Each insult struck Tamaki like arrows, spinning him in pain until finally, like struck by a lightning bolt, he collapsed in slow-motion. The twins applauded Tamaki on his new technique. Kyouya, meanwhile, had a finger to his chin as he ran through his mental photo album of important faces. "Can it be? You are…"

The girl who had downed Tamaki with nothing but words got all teary-eyed, running across the distance between them to embrace the Ootori. "Kyouya-sama! I wanted to meet you so badly! My only prince…"

For obvious reasons, the club closed soon after that, the Hosts wanting to get to the bottom of this strange new woman and her obsession with their Shadow King.

They were shocked by the first words to come out of her mouth.

"Kyouya-senpai's fiancé?!" The twins exclaimed.

The girl nodded happily. "I'm Houshakuji Renge! I'll be transferring into class 1-A tomorrow." That explained why she was wearing the Ouran girl's uniform.

Haruhi felt her heart stutter at the news. She was aware of arranged marriages among the upper class, whom often disregarded soulmarks in favor of the most advantageous match in terms of resources and alliances. Still, to hear that one of _her_ soulmates might be promised to another… it stirred some dark pain inside her.

Tamaki, too, seemed to feel some darkness at the news, huddling under his own personal dark cloud as he hunched by the wall.

"See, he's angry. All because Mommy didn't tell something important to Daddy," Kaoru remarked to his fellow Hosts.

"Why do you seem determined to make this married couple thing stick?" Kyouya asked with resignation, sensing that it would be stuck with him for a while.

Renge wasn't listening. "It really was love at first sight! Being affectionate to the backyard's plants, which no one paid attention to. Reaching out a hand to that poor injured kitty…"

"I can't imagine that at all!" the twins rebutted, the actions she described sounding like something Kyouya wouldn't do in a million years.

"Could you have the wrong person?" Haruhi asked, hoping this girl was engaged to some Kyouya lookalike and was just confused.

"NO! You can't fool these eyes!" Renge shouted at her. "Kind to everyone but never asks for anything! Loves the solitude but actually hates the loneliness!" she continued, sending the Hosts into a tizzy as she ventured further and further away from everything they believed about Kyouya's character. "You! Who looks like Ichijo Miyabi-kun from 'Uki-Doki Memorial', the popular love simulation game!"

She pointed a finger at Kyouya, while the rest paused as they realized the nature of the beast in their midst.

"Otaku!" The twins and Tamaki declared, as if they'd discovered a live unicorn or dodo bird. Guess they hadn't run into any in their lives yet.

Kyouya sat down, analyzing the situation. "I see, a girl who has a lot of interest in characters. She replaces me with her favorite character, makes me her fiancé, and gets lost in her wild fantasies… this Miyabi-kun probably wears glasses too."

Tamaki turned to his frequent foil and friend. "Wild fantasies? Isn't she your fiancé?"

"I don't remember ever affirming that fact once. For one thing, we've never met before today," Kyouya explained.

"You could have said something earlier!" the twins accused. Haruhi, meanwhile, breathed out a sigh of relief. She wasn't going to lose him. But then, she'd never really had him, had she? Still, this episode made her realize certain realities about having six aristocrats for soulmates, as well as just how much they'd come to mean to her already.

"Based on my information, you're the one who manages everything in this club, Kyouya-sama?" Renge inquired. Wait, she'd had an investigation done on him and still believed that he came straight out of her favorite video game? This girl was clearly deranged.

Honey, figuring there was no harm in playing along with her fantasies, spoke up. "Yes, Kyo-chan is our store manager."

"The store manager! It suits him quite well!" Renge screeched in excitement. She held her hands together with a dreamy expression. "I always dreamed of being a drawing-card for the store!" The twins tried to explain that they didn't need one, but Renge wasn't listening. "I"ve decided! While at the same time preparing to be a bride, I'll be the manager for the Host Club!"

Tamaki, seeing his beloved club being usurped from him, turned to the guy who made kept all the plates spinning. "Um… Kyouya?"

Kyouya stopped him before he could start. "She's the daughter of an important client for my family business: the Ootori family. Please take good care of her."

And so, somehow, the Host Club got a female manager!

KISSKISSFALLINLOVE

The next day, Tamaki tried to put a positive spin on things. By having another female involved with the club, Haruhi would have a girlfriend and thus have her own femininity stimulated. Haruhi could only roll her eyes at that, muttering 'Good grief.'

Then Renge arrived and everything was thrown into chaos.

First there was the issue with the cookies she'd baked, which she assumed that Kyouya would love no matter how poorly they were baked. Honey tried one and didn't like it, which resulted in Renge chasing him in a rage. Haruhi tried one, and the twins pulled one of their usual hijinks, Hikaru eating a cookie while it was held in her mouth and Kaoru licking the crumbs from her cheek. Haruhi needed all of her wherewithal to resist collapsing into a pile of goo at the sensual acts. She'd been too flustered even to attack them. Of course, at that moment Tamaki had grabbed her and shook her, demanding she do just that. Her deadpan reply was to request that _Tamaki_ stop assaulting her.

At that moment, Renge had given a cry of "LUKEWARM!" She declared that all of their characters were sub-par, lacking a 'dark side', a trauma that would make women's hearts race. Honey was rebranded the 'baby-faced thug' with Mori as his 'childhood lackey'. The twins were turned into basketball players 'lost in their own world'. Haruhi, as the scholarship student, was declared the victim of 'intense bullying'. And, perhaps furthest off the mark, Tamaki was given an inferiority complex and named the 'lonesome prince'. Kyouya, naturally, was already perfect and didn't need a change.

The twins tried to protest the new roles, but Kyouya pointed out that Tamaki, their 'King', seemed quite taken with the new direction.

One thing led to another, and suddenly they were shooting a movie.

 _One of the twins landed a free throw. Onlookers debated which one it was, before dismissing the issue because they were both so great. A fan tried to offer 'Kaoru' a towel only for it to turn out to be Hikaru. When she tried to apologize, his tired reply was "I'm used to it." Then a horrible thing happened!_

 _Kaoru was laid low by a knee injury. A stretcher was summoned. Hikaru rushed to his twin's side, brushing off the coach who told him he had to get back in the game. Kaoru tried to make Hikaru let him go, stating "Calm down… you can't feel my pain… you're not the one who's injured." Hikaru, tears in his eyes, grabbed the hand Kaoru had used to brush his cheeks, refuting him saying "Can't… it hurts… it hurts, Kaoru."_

YOUR PAIN IS MY PAIN.

 _Suddenly, they were outside. The school's idol, Tamaki, stated "You each have someone to support you… I envy you." The twins countered that Tamaki was beloved by everyone in the school for his good looks. Tamaki scoffed. "I'd prefer being alone… to being praised just for my appearance." Tamaki lifted his face into the rain._

INJURED HEARTS CROSS EACH OTHER.

 _Haruhi ran desperately through the courtyard. He tripped and collapsed against a tree. Behind him, a cold voice ran out. "You can't get away from me anymore, you poor bitch."_

PASSING THROUGH AND INJURING EACH OTHER, WHAT DARKNESS LIES IN BOYS' HEARTS…?

" _You should've known what would happen when you went against me," Mitsukuni stated with a blood-chilling voice, in an aggressive stance. Beside him, Takashi tried to stop him, pointing out that when he hurt someone, he was the one to truly suffer._

THE ENDING WAITING FOR THEM IS THE LIGHT OF SALVATION?

 _Mitsukuni scoffed. "Don't admonish me, Takashi. You want to go over my knee again?" Mitsukuni glared down at the cowering Haruhi. "I hate when someone tries to live beyond his or her means."_

Then Honey broke out in tears. "Waaaaah! I'm sorry, Haru-chan! I'll never do that bad thing again!"

"CUT! There! Follow the script!" Renge screamed. "Camera, stop filming for now! Rain, be more painful!" she instructed, barking at the professional film crew she had somehow acquired.

As Haruhi watched blankly as Renge reviewed the footage with the director, Kyouya offered some helpful exposition. "I heard she hired them from Hollywood. Haven't you seen them before? That man is the director of 'Millennial Snow', the vampire movie that was number-one at the box office last year."

Not for the last time, Haruhi cursed out the super-rich people of the world in her head. Renge, on a whim, was having them make a live-action version of her dumb Uki-Doki game, with a professional crew and everything. This afternoon alone must have cost over a 100 million yen. And yet she, and presumably her daddy, hadn't even blinked.

"Anyway, what's with this script shit?" Hikaru asked. " 'It appears as if Hikaru is leading the relationship, but in actuality Kaoru, being more spiritually mature is the seme…'" He scoffed, Kaoru joining him. "It's true, so there's no use. There's no point in changing our characters!"

"Eh? Really?" Honey asked, eyeing the twins with wide eyes. Haruhi, meanwhile, felt a strange pressure building in her sinuses. She pinched it, which caused it to go down. Still, she felt all warm and tingly as she imagined the twins like _that_.

Tamaki ran over. "Haruhi! How was my acting?"

Haruhi gave a tired grin, realizing that the only one enjoying themselves besides Renge was the club president. "It was superb, in one sense." She wondered why he was so taken with the idea of having some great inner pain to drive his character.

"I found my new possibility! It's not so bad behaving like this for a while! Eh, are you falling in love with me?" he asked.

Haruhi sighed and padded the ends of her hair with the towel around her shoulders. She was dressed in an Ouran boy's uniform for the photo shoot, and she didn't want to drip on the 300,000 outfit more than necessary. "Senpai… I think you're good enough as what you are now."

Tamaki blushed and started playing with his fingers. At that moment, Renge called for Haruhi.

From there, the day swiftly went downhill.

Renge had grabbed a couple boys to act as 'villains' for the grand finale, picking them because their families were rumored to be involved with the Yakuza. The boys, naturally, became very offended at the accusations. They got violent at Renge, someone finally standing up to her and her crazy micromanaging. Haruhi, because she was there and it was the right thing to do, blocked the assault and disarmed the two. But as she did, something happened to her eye. When Tamaki found her laying against the wall and the boys getting to their feet, he charged and grabbed them. Haruhi explained that it wasn't their fault, leading Tamaki to let go and the boys to flee in terror.

Turns out the thing wrong with her eye was her contact slipping. Tamaki burst out laughing at his own overreaction to Haruhi's tears, joking that she was now a natural host for the ability to cry without using eye drops. Renge called cut, deeming the sequence of events the perfect footage. Her heart and the camera lens were both broken as Kyouya stepped in.

After an emotional confrontation, with Renge being confronted with the fact that Kyouya had nothing in common with her beloved Miyabi. Haruhi had comforted her, telling her it was better to learn someone's personality little by little.

Little did Haruhi predict the consequences of her actions.

The next day, the Host Club's customers were all atwitter. They were all gushing over their favorite scenes from the movie.

"Kyouya…" Tamaki said leadinigly.

"Do you think I'm such an idiot as to destroy a camera without taking the data? The sales are going just fine. Of course, the violent scenes have been edited." Kyouya grinned, as the rest of the club realized that he'd planned something like this happening from the moment Renge showed up. "Aren't you glad to have more money for the club?" he asked innocently.

Renge stepped up to Haruhi. "I finally realized… The kindness to protect me that time with all your might… The depth of your love admonishing me occasionally." Renge clutched Haruhi's hands in her own, sending Tamaki into a fit. "This is what you meant by fall in love with the person little by little by looking at their personality, right? Haruhi-kun…" Renge turned, dragging Haruhi after her. "Come! We'll go to my place and play games all night long!"

Haruhi slipped out of the grip easily enough, but faced with the heartbroken look in Renge's eyes, couldn't find it in her to deny her.

Behind them, Tamaki was in a rage. Kyouya chuckled. "What's wrong? They're both becoming friend with each other as girls, just as you wanted."

"But they're _not_ both being girls!" Tamaki roared. He chased after Renge "Ah! Don't take Haruhi away!"

The rumors started among the customers who saw and heard Tamaki's words and actions ignited flames of moe the likes of which the world had never seen.

KISSKISSFALLINLOVE

Of course, the first thing Haruhi did when she and Renge were alone was reveal the fact she was a girl. She had to take out her Student ID and point to the sex section to make the otaku believe it. But when she realized, she blushed like a carnation and apologized for dragging Haruhi all the way to her Japanese estate.

Haruhi grinned. "It's no problem. I'll still play games with you. It's nice to have a friend outside the club. I'm sure we'll get along really well."

Renge blushed a little, but quickly switched gears, eager to bond with a fellow girl and get a comrade-in-arms. They played through Renge's slim collection of multiplayer games, since her primary focus was on single-player sims and RPG's.

When it got late, Haruhi made to go. Renge helpfully provided a car, realizing she hadn't stopped to consider how Haruhi would get home.

As she was leaving, Haruhi paused. "Do you want to know a secret?"

Renge perked up. "Always!"

Haruhi laid a hand over her heart, and ergo her soulmark. "The Host Club all share the same soulmark. Promise not to tell."

Renge felt her blood light on fire at the thought of those six gorgeous men engaged in a homosexual orgy. "I… I promise" she said faintly, her inner fujoshi going nuts. Then something occurred to her. "Wait… the WHOLE Host Club?"

Haruhi gave a secret grin. "Good night, Renge-chan."

"Wait, Haruhi! You can't leave me hanging like this! Haruhi? Haruhi!" Renge shouted, actually chasing after the car as it made its way into Tokyo traffic.

* * *

 **Well, that's another chapter done. Next is the physical exams, and an important milestone in the story. Hope all of you reading this have enjoyed the story so far! See you when I see you!**


	5. Chapter 5

**My thanks to liquidefeather and 2ndsly for reviewing the last chapter. Now is time for the dreaded physical exams!**

* * *

A week after the Renge incident, the Host Club had a cherry blossom festival. It was a bit late in the season for it, but the trees in the Ouran courtyard were still in full bloom, probably a trick of the expensive gardening that went into maintaining them. Tamaki, Kyouya, and the twins wore Western high-class waiter uniforms, while Haruhi, Mori, and Honey went for traditional yukata. "Welcome," they called to their customers as they filed in to take the seats arranged around the courtyard, enjoying a full tea service while surrounded by the beautiful sakura trees.

Tamaki showed off the antique tea cups. When asked which his favorite was, Tamaki declared it was the princess who asked. Kaoru 'accidentally' spilled hot tea on himself, prompting Hikaru to stick the burnt finger in his mouth. When one of the girls went faint, another by her side insisted that she had to watch because it was a rare scene. Kyouya appeared at that moment, reflecting "Beauty is fleeting. Like these cherry blossoms, we will never see them the exact same way again… which is why I've prepared photo books, capturing the beauty of each of the Hosts for prosperity. By the way, there's individual and group versions for 15,000 yen. There's also a special set price."

The Host Club made quite the profit that day.

Haruhi herself noted all this distantly. Right in front of her, Honey was vigorously engaged in a traditional tea ceremony. She and the two customers watched, unsure whether to mention that Honey had wasted most of the tea with his energetic movements. Finally, Takashi leaned forward, saying "Mitsukuni… you spilled too much."

' _He said it!'_ thought the girls around the picnic blanket.

Honey looked down at the cup he'd been working on, in which only a few drops remained. His face collapsed in a heartbreaking way, his eyes starting to get moist. Desperate to avoid hurting his feelings, one of the customers took the cup and declared "I'll take it! How did you know I wanted this exact amount?" Honey brightened up, and it was like the sun emerging from behind the clouds. Haruhi sighed, both at the aching cuteness of her oldest mate and the ditzy nature of the girls at Ouran.

Later, after the session had closed, Haruhi stood admiring the trees. They really were quite beautiful. Tamaki walked up to her. "Haruhi! Are you having fun? How did you enjoy the flower-viewing reception?"

"Thank you, Tamaki-senpai. It was nice to get outside and have some fresh air during club hours," Haruhi said diplomatically.

"Indeed! Though, we spent more time _being_ admired than doing the admiring, didn't we?" he asked, beginning to sparkle as he went into one of his 'beauty' rants.

Haruhi felt her eye twitch. He really was too much at times. He must live his life completely detached from the severity of the world. "Senpai, you're certainly in full bloom," she said halfheartedly, knowing that egging him on was better than shooting him down and the gloomy tantrum that followed.

"I'm glad you noticed!" Tamaki declared. "Are you maybe falling in love with me?"

Before Haruhi could even think to answer, she was accosted by the twins. "Haruhi, have you decided what electives you're taking this quarter?" they questioned.

"I hadn't really thought about it yet," she confessed.

"We should take the same ones!" Hikaru proposed.

"After all…" Kaoru said leadingly before he and his brother turned to face Tamaki, "We are in the same class!"

Haruhi sighed. So that was the scheme. Rub Tamaki's face in the fact the twins spent more time with her than he did. Knowing him, this would be the first time he noticed.

Just as she predicted, Tamaki paused in his brooding by a tree to turn to Kyouya. "Mommy?"

"…Yes, Daddy?" Kyouya answered, waiting a beat to make clear his opposition to the title.

"This is only a hypothesis… but I'm starting to think that since the twins are in the same class as Haruhi, they get to spend more time with her and have more chances to get to know her than I do."

"What, you only just noticed?" Kyouya asked, making Tamaki jolt like he was thunderstruck. Kyouya pulled out a handy graph. "To summarize, the twins spend 9 hours a day with Haruhi between classes and other activities, while you spend a mere 2 hours with her during club hours. When you subtract the time that you're focused on guests, that amounts to only an hour of interaction. In short, your presence in her life amounts to a mere 3%."

"No, I can't take it!" Tamaki screamed. Getting in Haruhi's face (but not grabbing her, he'd learned that lesson by now), Tamaki ordered "Haruhi! I demand you stop spending so much time with those disreputable twins!"

"Disreputable?" Hikaru asked, affronted.

"That's rich coming from you, Tono!" Kaoru fired back.

Tamaki snapped; you could practically see the lightbulb appear above his head. "I know! You'll start dressing like a girl again, only this time you'll be as feminine as possible! Then people will realize you ARE a girl and you can spend your time surrounded by girlfriends, away from the corrupting influence of those twins!"

Haruhi resisted rolling her eyes. "Do you know me at all? Do I really seem like the type of person to have a gaggle of girlfriends surrounding me at all hours? Even in middle school, I was a loner. Between you six, Renge, and hosting, I reach my maximum quota for social interaction on a daily basis." Wanting to soften the blow of her harsh words, she gave a grin. "I'm fine with you guys being my only close friends."

Tamaki blushed and backed off. The twins spoke up once they recovered from their own case of the fuzzies at Haruhi's declaration. "Well, it's not like people won't know for much longer," Hikaru pointed out.

"The school's physical examinations are the day after tomorrow," Kaoru reminded them all.

The Hosts all stopped and stared at Haruhi, realizing what that meant.

Haruhi frowned. "So, it's inevitable. Everyone will find out I'm a girl when I go in for the exam." Haruhi looked down. "I know I joked about it, but the girls probably won't be interested in a same-sex Host. I'll have no place in the club once the truth comes out." Which means that she'd lose her chance to spend time with two-thirds of her soulmates during school hours.

Kyouya pushed up his glasses. "Oh? I had no idea you had become so attached to the idea of hosting, Haruhi."

Haruhi shrugged as she walked away to change, remembering the time and that her father would be worried if she didn't leave soon. "It's not so much that I want to stay a Host. I just want to keep spending time with you all." Haruhi walked away, having no idea of the effect her words had on the boys.

"Was… was that a confession? She wants to spend time with us!" Tamaki crowed, only to have his mouth shut by the twins.

"Tono, don't be so loud. She can still hear us from this distance."

They waited until Haruhi emerged from the changing area, gave them a wave, and exited the courtyard towards the train station.

"Ne, why does Haru-chan still take the train?" Honey asked, thinking about it. "Can't we offer her a chauffeur or something?"

"She'd never accept," Kyouya protested.

"Don't be so sure, Kyouya! She might not have admitted to us yet that she has the mark, but she DID just say, quote 'I just want to keep spending time with you all' unquote! She's opening up to us, bit by bit! She just might accept the gesture!" Tamaki argued, talking with his whole body as always.

"I don't know. You know how independent she can get." Hikaru sighed, wondering if it were karma or fate that landed them with the most stubborn woman on the planet for a soulmate.

"She never even asks for help, let alone accepts it." Kaoru stared after her longingly, loving her strength at the same time he despised it.

Kyouya sighed. "We can discuss this tomorrow. We'll meet right after class and discuss the issues. For now, let's make way for the nice handymen I hired to clean up the tables."

The Host Club went their separate ways, thoughts all focused on Haruhi in one way or another.

KISSKISSFALLINLOVE

The next day, the Host Club assembled in the Music room, Haruhi conspicuously absent. Kyouya had made 'arrangements' so she would be waylaid until around 3:00, when they would normally open. The hour before then was just a matter of convincing the other hosts that keeping Haruhi secret was the best option.

Step into my web, said the spider to the fly.

Tamaki as off in his own little fantasy of Haruhi 'out' as a girl, with others staring at her while he swept in and assured her that it was all because of her beauty, before they twirled off together in a loving embrace. His face practically glowed as he got lost in his fantasy.

"Tama-chan is having fun, ne?" Honey asked, looking at the daydreaming King.

"Really? He looks rather pathetic to me," Hikaru replied.

"Don't envy me, Hikaru!" Tamaki got up, holding up his finger in an 'I know everything' kind of way. "Once Haruhi is exposed as a girl, she will become eligible! Spring is the time of love and comedy, after all! To protect her from the swarm of boys who come charging after her, the Host Club will step forward. She will become our beloved princess, the crown jewel that all the others envy us for! The background characters will fade away as we have our happily ever after as the leads in this fanfic!"

The twins sighed. "Have you really thought this through, Tono? Once Haruhi's revealed as a girl, she won't get to be in the Host Club. Which means that you upperclassmen won't be able to spend any time with her."

Tamaki froze, this apparently just occurring to him.

"Haru-chan looked especially cute when she was dressing like a girl, ne?" Honey worried.

"Yeah," Takashi said, thinking fondly of how those long legs looked in a skirt.

"So she'll become really popular with the boys, with only Hika-chan and Kao-chan to look after her," Honey worried, clutching Usa-chan close.

"According to my investigative report, at least once a month, someone would confess to her," Kyouya chimed in.

"Ah, so Tono would never be able to get close to her. He'd go from 3% to 0%," Hikaru teased, going along with Kyouya's plan. He and Kaoru didn't like to share their 'toys', after all.

"We don't care, because _we_ are in the same class as her," Kaoru added, the final nudge Tamaki needed.

Haruhi opened the door ten minutes later. "Sorry I'm late."

Tamaki had just finished a briefing with the other Hosts. "Well, then it's decided. We shall use Formation A for tomorrow's mission: Haru-chan is really a boy!"

"Yes, sir!" the twins saluted.

Haruhi was almost afraid to ask. "What… is this meeting for?"

Tamaki rushed over to her, so overcome that he actually laid his hands on her shoulders. Haruhi, having accepted that his was simply a tactile person, let him get away with it. A gesture the other Hosts noted and approved of. "Don't worry, Haruhi! We'll protect your secret with all our might! So please remain our exclusive princess just for us!"

Haruhi grinned. "It's very sweet of you that you want to try and keep it secret. But I thought about it, and it's okay if people find out I'm a girl. I can still be part of the Host Club. I'll be a waitress or something, or maybe we can become co-ed and start up a Hostess Club. I've got a couple girls in mind who might be interested…"

Haruhi trailed off, as Tamaki was now in tears. "Haruhi… so selfless… too cute… you thought long and hard about this, haven't you? You took time away from your studies to think of ways to stay with us. You really do love us, don't you?"

Kyouya stepped forward. "Alright, enough of this. Here's what's going to happen. All the doctors administering the exams tomorrow come from hospitals owned by the Ootori family. Haruhi will get a private exam in her own room with a doctor sworn to secrecy. Her sex will stay within this room, and the Host Club will continue as normal."

Tamaki looked up. "What? But we agreed on Formation A! Mori-senpai and Honey-senpai would dress up as doctors and lead Haruhi to a secret area while the twins provided a distraction by showing off their skin. Then I would pose as Haruhi and take the exam in her stead, and no one would ever know! I was really proud of that plan!"

Haruhi got a tic on her forehead. "THAT was your big plan? What, did you think you could just put on a wig and people would actually confuse you for me? You're over 20 cm taller than me, for one thing! That plan is doomed to fail."

Tamaki began eroding away into dust after seeing Haruhi glaring at him.

The twins sighed. "Ah, well! It would have been funny to see, but Kyouya-senpai knows best. No Formation A joke tomorrow."

Honey ran forward, embracing Haruhi. "Haru-chan, Haru-chan! You get to stay in the Host Club. We get to have cake and play games and you can look after Usa-chan when I'm busy! Takashi, isn't this great?"

"Yeah," the gentle giant replied. He smiled down at Haruhi, touched just like Tamaki at her consideration and plans to try and stay involved.

Haruhi grinned down at Honey. "Yes, Mitsu-chan. Looks like it." She looked from him to the rest of 'her' boys. The twins were sweeping up the ashes of Tamaki with a broom while Kyouya wrote something down in his private journal, the look of success in his eyes. In that moment, she couldn't imagine life without any one of them.

She almost revealed herself to them, then and there. But something stopped her. The moment wasn't right. She hadn't even told her dad yet, anyway. He was the one who'd have to give her away, he should be the first to know.

Then there was a knock at the door, and everyone jumped into position.

"Welcome!" they called, in perfect unison, to the lucky lady who was first through the door.

KISSKISSFALLINLOVE

Halfway through the day, there was an announcement on the school PA system. " _We will now have a physical examination for Class 1. We're very sorry to bother you but would everyone in Class 1 please come to each campus' nurse's office. Please be careful with your feet._ "

What a weird announcement, Haruhi thought. As she walked with the twins to the nurse's office for Class 1-A, she asked "What kind of physical exam does Ouran have anyway?" Haruhi feared it would be exaggerated beyond recognition like everything the super-rich touched.

"The same as a physical exam anywhere else, I imagine," Hikaru explained.

"It wouldn't be good if we had differences between the rich and poor for this type of thing," Kaoru tacked on.

"Well, then," Haruhi said, going to open the door to the Nurse's office.

The room had chandeliers. The _nurse's office_ had chandeliers. A red carpet ran from the door to the back of the room. Lined up on the left side was an endless line of nurses, and on the right side an equally long string of doctors in white lab coats. "Welcome!" they all called out, greeting their wealthy clients with utmost courtesy and the height of customer service.

Haruhi didn't know why she was surprised, by this point. "What… is this?" she asked. She already knew the answer, it just slipped out.

"A physical exam," Hikaru said nonchalantly.

"Same as every year," Kaoru said, stepping past her.

If she thought it once, she thought it a hundred times, _damn these rich people_.

One of the nurses stepped forward. "I, Yoshino, will be your attendant, Fujioka-sama. Allow me to lead you to the special boys' clinic in the next room over." The woman laid a surprisingly firm hand on Haruhi's back and began to lead her toward the back of the room. Behind her, the twins were having their height measured. Turns out they were identical in that respect to.

"Haru-chan!" came a very loud whisper from the side.

Haruhi turned, only to be met with Takashi and Mitsukuni in the thinnest doctor disguises in history. "Mitsu-chan? Takashi-senpai?" she wondered. Wasn't Formation A abandoned?

"They couldn't stop worrying, so they decided to show up anyway," Kyouya explained from behind her.

"Kyouya-senpai? Shouldn't you be in class right now?"

"I'm on the medical committee," he explained. "I'm the only one out of the four of us who has a right to be here."

"The four of you… do I even want to know what disguise Tamaki went with?"

Kyouya gave a light cough. "It seems he's taken inspiration from your father."

With dread, Haruhi turned to look at the line of nurses again. It took a surprisingly long time to pick out which one was Tamaki. There was no way he'd done his make-up himself, probably having one of his maids do it for him, but the guy made for a very convincing drag queen. He was easily the tallest 'nurse' in the line, but otherwise he looked very lady-like.

"Ah, Fujioka-sama! How are you this fine day? Would you like something to drink?" he asked, even pitching his voice convincingly.

Haruhi blinked. "If you want to impress my dad, show up looking like this. It'll give you something to talk about that isn't me."

"Wah! Haruhi-kun wants her Daddies to meet?" And there went the disguise. Others were looking over with narrowed eyes now. Some of the girls seemed to be realizing just who the tall, blonde nurse was.

Haruhi promptly started ignoring her disguised mate. She looked to the side, where a doctor was addressing a plump Ouran girl. "Princess Shiramine, you've lost two whole kilograms since last year!"

"Really? I was sure I had gained weight!" she gushed.

"What service. How can they make such an obvious lie?" Haruhi wondered.

"It's trustee's consideration," Kyouya told her. "This place isn't just a school, it's a business. Flattering the students is top priority. After all, most of the students have their own private doctors at home. These exams are just a formality."

Yoshino, whom had been silent up till now, pressed harder. "We really _must_ get to the special boys' clinic in order to finish the exam in time for class."

And with that, Haruhi was spirited from the room, just as a shabbily dressed doctor bumped into Kyouya.

Haruhi walked into the room, which even had its own plaque designating it the 'Special Boys' Clinic'. A female doctor is waiting inside. "Fujioka-sama? I've been informed about your situation. You can take off your outer vestments in the back."

"Ok," Haruhi said, going to the curtained-off corner. She undid her tie, sliding it out of the collar of her blouse (no one had noticed the buttons were on the wrong side). She got out of that, leaving her in just her jeans and her chemise, when there was a noise behind her. She turned, to see the same shabby man from earlier closing the curtains while the doctor wasn't looking. "Um… I'm already in here."

The doctor jumped, before turning and going to cover her mouth. Haruhi, able to see an unwanted movement coming from a mile away, grabbed the hand and put it in a joint lock. The doctor went to his knees at her feet.

"Kuma-chan kick!" Tamaki roared, flying through the air where the doctor would have been if he were upright. Instead, he went sailing over to land face-first in the wall.

"Well, guess we won't be having our cool entrance scene," the twins said, stepping into the corner. Haruhi reached up a hand to cover her soulmark on reflex.

Kyouya, Honey, and Mori walked in with the twins, until the whole Host Club was in the room along with the two doctors. Tamaki recovered from his intimate encounter with the wall to stand with his brothers-in-arms. "We are the Ouran Host Club! We've caught you now, pervert!"

The doctor flopped to the floor in genuflection when Haruhi let go of him. "Please don't take my life!" he cried. She covered herself up with the shirt Tamaki had thrown at her, leaving him bare-chested while she kept her modesty.

Suddenly, the invading doctor was telling his life story. His wife and daughter had left him due to his poor financial decisions regarding his clinic in the next town. He went searching, through the rain and wind, to find his daughter's school. Only, when he arrived, he was mistaken for a doctor come to give physical examinations. When he tapped a girl's shoulder to inquire if she knew his daughter, she screamed and called him a pervert. Suddenly everyone was chasing him! "Both my body and heart are ragged," Doctor Yabu confessed, leaving Tamaki in tears while the rest of the Host Club (and Haruhi's real doctor) looked on unimpressed.

"Of course they mistook you, you're wearing a lab coat," the twins pointed out.

Kyouya spoke up. "Pardon me, but are you looking for Ourin High School in the next town? This is Ouran Academy. You're in the wrong campus."

Yabu was struck dumb, while the twins nagged him for not even knowing where his daughter's school was. Tamaki cut them off, kneeling down to pick Yabu off the ground. "Kyouya, please provide a map with directions to this Ourin."

"Eh? Why? His daughter has probably given up on him too," the twins protested.

"That's for him to confirm," Tamaki said firmly, making Haruhi pause and look at him. He had a genuine smile as he offered the poor doctor his hand. "I'll pray for your best."

Yabu was quickly sent on his way, the Host Club watching his progress out of the building form the window of the clinic room.

"Well, that was an adventure, ne?" Honey asked.

"Yeah," Mori confirmed.

"Well, at least I did a good deed," Tamaki said, glittering as he brushed back his hair.

"We should leave now so Haruhi can have her exam," Kyouya spoke up.

"Wait, everyone," Haruhi called out.

The six paused, turning to look at her. She hesitated for just a second, before she pulled off Tamaki's shirt. Her chemise had a rather low neckline, so the top half of her soulmark could be seen over her heart, matching the one on Tamaki's chest down to every last pigment. "I… I'm pretty sure that we're soulmates." Haruhi paused, biting her lip, waiting to see how they would react.

There was a timeless silence.

"HARUHI-CHAN!" Tamaki screamed, coming forward to wrap her in a hug. "You finally told us! Daddy's so proud. Yes, he is, yes, he is! Don't worry, we'll all love you forever and ever and we'll take such good care of you and you'll never have to worry about money again and we'll probably have to wait until we graduate to get married but we can spend plenty of time courting until then and…"

"Hold up!" Haruhi shouted, slipping out of Tamaki's hold with a flex of her arms and a twist. "You knew?" she asked, the accusation clear in her tone.

Kyouya stepped forward to smooth things over. "Tamaki saw your mark when he walked in on you changing during your first week. We've all known since then. The Bali thing was our way of letting you know we shared a mark. When you reacted… poorly to the knowledge, we decided to hold back until you decided to reveal yourself on your own terms."

"But now we can stop hiding and start treating you how we _really_ want to!" The twins cheered.

"Haru-chan, do you want to come over tonight? Takashi and I were going to watch the match after dinner, but you can join us!" Honey all but had a halo over his head when he begged.

"Please," the kendo practitioner spoke up.

"Wait, wait, wait," Haruhi called out. "First, I need to get through my exam. We can discuss how we're going to handle our _long_ , drawn-out courtship afterwards. My dad is already insisting that we can't go on dates unless he's there to chaperone."

"Chaperone? What does he think we'll _do_ to you?" Tamaki asked, scandalized.

Haruhi rose a brow. "The kind of things hormonal teenagers do when they find their soulmate and know it's going to be forever. Don't act like you and Kyouya-senpai aren't a thing, just like Hikaru and Kaoru or Mitsu-chan and Takashi-senpai. If my dad had his way, I'd be a virgin until a year after my wedding night. Like I said, expect a long, slow, extended, chaste courtship before we all get married or whatever. Now please, leave the room."

The door shut in the six's face.

"Well… that went better than I expected," Kyouya spoke up.

"What are you talking about? She yelled and glared and it sounds like we won't even get to hold hands without her father's permission? How could it have gone any worse?" Tamaki demanded.

"She could have gone all black belt on us for keeping it secret," the twins pointed out.

"She could have wanted nothing to do with us and said the soulmark didn't mean anything," Honey pointed out, unusually solemn.

"Ran away," Takashi offered.

"Well, when you put it like that," Tamaki admitted.

"Now, I believe it's time we each went through with a dangerous but necessary task," Kyouya spoke up. "She told her father, evidently. We now have to tell our parents."

The Host Club gulped.

Six of the richest, most eligible young men in the country all having to share one commoner bride? Kyouya's father would throw a fit, and the rest just might as well.

Suffice to say that each of the Host Club had long nights ahead of them.

* * *

 **And it's done. They all know they're soulmates now. From this point forward is when I'll start diverging from canon and getting into more relationship drama and fluffy bonding.**


	6. Chapter 6

**According to the traffic, over 300 people have at least looked at this fic. I feel so accomplished! Thanks to liquidefeather for reviewing chapter 5. Now the next episode of a Wreath of Roses!**

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When each Host made his way home after the physical exam, he informed his parents about the situation.

Tamaki's father, Yuzuru, took it remarkably well. He was overjoyed that his son had found his soulmates. In fact, he seemed to think he had credit for the whole thing. If he hadn't come up with the scholarship program, then Tamaki and Haruhi would never have met. Tamaki agreed with that logic and gave his father a tearful embrace for enabling him to find his soulmates. Yuzuru had no problem with the fact that his son also had five other men sharing his soulmark. Yuzuru was a romantic, firmly believing that the heart wants what it wants. He'd had no qualms divorcing his wife when he learned she was having an affair with her soulmate, not wanting to get in the way of their relationship. His ice queen of a mother still hadn't forgiven him for that, nor for Tamaki's very existence. The death of her soulmate when Yuzuru was in high school had left her harsh and bitter. She simply did not care that Anne-Sophie was Yuzuru's soulmate, a fact that made Tamaki legitimate in certain cultures, simply seeing the whole debacle as a stain on the Suou family honor. Yuzuru silently swore that his mother would not interfere with Tamaki's life the way she had with his. Tamaki _would_ marry all six of them, one day, that he swore. He also, like Tamaki, had a secret wish that one day he, Tamaki, Anne-Sophie, and Shizue could share a meal under a kotatsu, but he left that dream for another day.

Kyouya managed to secure a 15-minute window of his father's time in the evening. In that time, he made a case complete with graphs and charts of financial data about the benefits of allowing the match and that what Haruhi lacked in pedigree she made up for in intelligence and good business sense. Kyouya also stressed the opportunities and favors that being linked with four other prestigious families through the bond of marriage. His father listened to it all with a frown on his stony face. At the end, he simply stated "I expect you to make the proper arrangements and maintain the honor of the Ootori family. Am I understood?" Translation: Haruhi would be married to Kyouya and pregnant with an Ootori no sooner than the wedding night and no later two years after the wedding, and there was to be no OBVIOUS homosexual activity in the group relationship. Kyouya nodded and bowed, exiting his father's office with a sense of victory. He could only thank his lucky stars that Ranka-chan had purchased that winning lottery ticket. He was certain that it was Haruhi's relatively smaller but still impressive holdings that had been the key to getting his father's approval. If he'd tried to argue for a simple commoner girl with nothing but good grades and a killer smile, he'd have been yelled out of the room. As far as Yoshio was concerned, all Haruhi's millions would become property of the Ootori family after the ink on the marriage certificate was dry, so she was an appropriate use of a third son.

Hikaru and Kaoru, holding hands in a sign of solidarity, made the announcement over dinner. Their grandmother was delighted, their father gave a silent nod of approval, and their mother went absolutely nuts. The first words out of her mouth were to demand measurements so she could start on the wedding dress. After that she gushed about her baby boys finding their special someone(s), delighted to be getting so many children-in-law. She teased them, not mean-spiritedly, about whether this Haruhi could tell the difference between them. That caused the twins to realize that Haruhi had never mistaken them for the other. She always referred to the twin she was speaking to by name. They immediately began devising a plan to ascertain whether it was blind luck or if she could actually do what no one, not even their own family (they believed) had done before.

Mitsukuni and Takashi told their fathers together after the usual after-school spar (in which Mitsukuni again defeated his own father). Morinozuka Akira had reservations, believing that the Host Club got Takashi involved in a lot of unnecessary trouble. Yorihisa was overjoyed, though. He'd feared that his dreadnought of a son would never meet his match, someone that would be okay with his childlike behavior or able to convince him to do something he didn't want to do, given his overwhelming power. To learn that his son had six soulmates to buffer and direct his son was a relief.

In summary, it all went rather well. There was one, unforeseen consequence. The various parents wanted to meet up and discuss with each other the remarkable circumstances regarding the number and variety of soulmates their respective children had. Calls were made, e-mails exchanged, money thrown, and all seven families were booked to have a private dinner at one of the most exclusive restaurants in Tokyo, the kind of place that didn't even offer a menu and everything was left up to the whims of the famous chef in charge and what was fresh from the market that day.

Ranka had a mild panic attack over whether to show up dressed as a man or a woman. He didn't want to embarrass himself in front of all the rich people, but then again these were his future in-laws. Should he really conceal such a huge part of his character just for their potentially delicate sensitivities? Haruhi talked him through it, assuring her father should arrive as 'himself', whatever that was, and enjoy himself otherwise. Emboldened by his daughter's wise words, Ranka dragged her with him to a luxury spa for the fated Saturday.

Haruhi, though she had an aversion to any 'frivolous' use of money, could not deny that first-class pampering was one of the greatest earthly pleasures to be found in the world. She had her hair professionally styled, got a facial and bath treatment that left her skin glowing, and even enjoyed a couple's massage with her father. If the staff found anything odd about the 'father' and daughter pair, they were professional and/or highly paid enough to not say anything about it.

Haruhi endured make-up, hating how it made her face feel heavy but knowing that she had to grit her teeth. She'd talked with the Host Club enough over the week to understand that she was the lynchpin of this whole arrangement. Most of the families didn't see this as seven people meeting and eventually falling in love with each other, but rather as a case of six men having to share the same bride. She would have to be 100% a girl for this little get-together, lest Kyouya's father or someone else call off the whole thing. She'd secure their tentative blessing by being the perfect blushing maiden, then go back to her usual 'either/or' style for school the next week.

Despite offers to carpool from 'her' boys, Haruhi and Ranka decided to rent a car for the occasion. Their driver was polite but terse, dressed up in his uniform as he rolled up to the out-of-the-way apartment complex to pick up two people in dresses. He confirmed they were the ones to call him, then ushered them into the back of the Lincoln Town Car. He drove them up to the restaurant, gave them his number to call when they got out, and got the door for them.

Ranka seemed to gain confidence when the doorman and then the maître d' mistook him for a woman. He held his head high, almost daring people to notice his Adam's apple, and followed the waiter along with Haruhi into the restaurant to the private room the Ootori family had arranged.

"Haru-chan!" Honey called as soon as she walked in. He ran up to her and gave her a hug; he apparently hadn't gotten the memo to be on 'best' behavior for their parents.

Haruhi grinned down at her adorable soulmate. "Mitsu-chan. You look quite handsome tonight." Mitsukuni was clad in a tailored three-piece suit, naturally not the same one he wore to the dance party a couple weeks ago. Even with his diminutive height, he seemed like a man of power and action… at least until you looked at his face and saw the innocence in those big eyes.

"Haru-chan, you look beautiful! Like a doll or a princess!"

Haruhi blushed, which hopefully would be mistaken for the blush that already adorned her cheeks. She had gone for a pink cheongsam made of silk, with gold highlights and black flourishes. It was conservative yet highlighted her feminine frame and combined with her face and hair served to make her a vision of young womanhood. Her father had burst into tears when he saw her, only to have to reapply his mascara.

"My, my, who is this sweet little prince?" Ranka asked.

Haruhi cleared her throat. "Dad, this is Haninozuka Mitsukuni. He's in the Host Club with me."

"Dear, I knew that. All of the kids here are in that Host Club, you included."

"Pleased to meet you!" Honey said, giving a bow before popping back up. "You're the prettiest dad I've ever seen!"

"Oh, you're too kind."

Yoshio walked over with Kyouya following at his shoulder. "Fujioka-san, I presume," he said, giving Ranka a look like he was observing a particularly colorful insect.

Ranka grinned, giving a bow that showed off his plunging neckline. He'd gone with the Hitachiin dress Haruhi had gotten him for Christmas. "Ootori-sama. Kyouya-kun looks so much like you. You must be as proud of him as I am of my Haruhi."

"Of course, of course. Did I hear right, Haruhi-san is involved in the Host Club?"

Haruhi and Kyouya exchanged a glance. They'd found their first landmine of the night. Hopefully it would be the last, but it was doubtful. "I consider myself a homework consultant. I help the ladies not being seen by the boys with their studies. I also remind the Hosts to not let their studies falter due to the club." It was even the truth, just not all of it.

"Ah, I see. How studious. But then, as a scholarship student, I imagine that grades are of great importance to you."

Haruhi ignored the reminder of her status. "I do my best, Ootori-sama."

The rest of the Hosts had made their way over. "Haruhi! You look glorious, resplendent, awe-worthy!" Tamaki gushed.

Ranka's eyes narrowed. "Well, well, if it isn't the 'King'. Aren't you being familiar tonight."

Tamaki jerked back in fear as much as he could while maintaining propriety. As he tried to explain himself, Haruhi felt someone whisper in her ear. "You clean up nice, Haruhi."

"Thank you, Kaoru," she replied, turning to smile at the twin that had snuck behind her. "Where's Hikaru?"

"He had to ask Mom something," Kaoru said faintly. He had an odd look on his face.

Haruhi tilted her head. "Is something the matter?"

"No, no," he denied. "Here, let me show you to your seat."

The food was immaculate, the conversation centered on the children. The parents did most of the talking, only asking the kids to confirm or deny certain details as they came up. Ranka seemed to know Kyouya, something Haruhi would have to investigate, and bonded instantly with Hitachiin Yuzuha over a mutual love of fashion. All told, the night was exhausting from tensing whenever a prickly subject came up and navigating it, but everyone walked away on cordial terms.

Haruhi sighed as she slipped off the high-heeled shoes she'd forced herself into. "Well, none of them called me a gold digger or accused me of social climbing. I call that a success."

"Haruhi, you worry too much. You're the best thing that happened to those boys, I barely know them, and I can see the good effect you've had on them all. Their parents can see that too. Relax, you get to keep your boys." His eyes flashed. "Though you aren't to do more than hold hands until you're all at the altar."

"Yes, yes," Haruhi said, for once not meaning it. Like hell she was going to resist them that long. She had six gorgeous men as future fiancés, she was in high school. She was going to have _fun_ , dang it. She worked herself to the bone for school, she deserved a little something. Not that she was planning to have a gangbang in the Music Room or anything, but she was certain they'd all do a LOT more than hand-holding before the ceremony.

"Haruhi? What's that gleam in your eye? Ah, they've corrupted you already, haven't they? Kotoko, forgive me, our precious daughter is being stolen away!"

Haruhi sighed. Same old dad.

KISSKISSFALLINLOVE

The Host Club opened for business as usual on Monday. The twins were entertaining their designated guests with the "Which one is Hikaru-kun" game.

"Oh, it's so hard!"

"Once they cover up which way they part their hair, it's impossible to tell them apart," one of the girls commented.

The twins smirked, holding up a finger. "There's never been a girl who can tell us apart!"

Haruhi walked by on the way to her own table. "What a stupid game. It's obvious if you know what to look for."

The twins bristled. "Oh really? You got a problem with our hosting technique?"

Haruhi shrugged. "Not really. I just don't get why you guys are so popular."

The twins chuckled. "Clearly Haruhi hasn't considered the benefits of having a set of twins in the Host Club," Hikaru chuckled. "First off, having two good-looking homosexuals is already a high draw. And teetering the line between romance and friendship makes things more interesting."

"In our case, the fact we're twins means we get to use the most forbidden of taboos as a weapon," Kaoru added on.

"And then of course, there's the girl's fantasy of having two lovers with close ties to each other all to herself," Hikaru added, stroking the cheek of one of his guests in a way that made Haruhi's inner hackles raise.

"It's the ultimate girl's romance, isn't it?" Kaoru questioned the poor victim.

"I… I… I can't take it!" she screamed, flying up to the heavens with halo and wings.

Haruhi blinked. The amount of times physics acted downright cartoon-like around the super-rich was really starting to bother her.

At that moment, there was a roar of rage from Tamaki. "Hikaru, Kaoru! I left you both in charge of the club's website on the condition that you would take it seriously!"

Hikaru huffed, offended. "Huh? We are taking it seriously."

"In fact, we worked on it last night until dawn," Kaoru boasted, flapping his hands for some reason.

"And THIS is the screen that you made?" Tamaki demanded, opening a laptop. It was a shirtless picture of a boy that had Haruhi's face, seen from the back, with a frame of roses around the screen. Haruhi felt her eyes twitch, even as the guests came to flock around the screen. It was obviously a composite photo, but Tamaki probably thought it was legitimate and the twins had somehow bribed her to be topless. When the twins explained it was just a creative use of Photoshop, Tamaki came forward with an idol photobook for them to use instead.

"If you want Haruhi to dress like that, why not just ask?" Kaoru suggested the begging King.

Pulling a fluffy pink dress from his personal stash, Tamaki came up to Haruhi. "What do you think of this?" he asked, even though Haruhi was still recovering from the fact a half-naked male version of herself was on the Host Club's homepage.

"Why do you have something like that?" Honey asked Tamaki innocently.

"Haruhi-kun looks fantastic," said one of the clients gazing at the fake photo.

"Still, like Tamaki-sama says, I'd sure like to see Haruhi-kun in women's clothes again," one of the girls said.

"He just looks so cute in them! Did he inherit the gift from his father, do you think?"

Haruhi recovered herself. She made Tamaki back off with a glare, before turning her eyes on the twins. "Don't alter photos of me without my permission! Just what do you take me for?"

The twins smirked evilly. "Isn't it obvious? You're our toy."

The urge to strangle them had never been higher.

"If you like toys, come visit my club," came a haunting voice from the side. Haruhi turned, only to feel a sense of confusion as she saw a man in a black robe and cowl with a cat doll on his hand leaning out a crack in a door she was certain hadn't been there before.

"Who the hell is that guy?" Haruhi muttered.

"Nekozawa Umehito, Class 3-A, president of the Ouran Black Magic Club," Kyouya recited from next to her.

"Why is he staying in the shadows?" she asked, trusting in her industrious mate's information gathering.

"Because Nekozawa-senpai doesn't like the light. He believes it shortens his lifespan," Kyouya explained.

"Currently, we're organizing an exhibition of magical artifacts from all over the world. And we're also holding Black Mass around the clock." The shadowy teen held up his cat doll. "Join now and I'll throw in a complementary curse doll. Simply write your enemy's name on the back and they will be sure to meet with… misfortune," he said creepily.

"You must not get involved with that man," Tamaki said hollowly, sneaking up on Haruhi, practically breathing on her neck. "If you do you're sure to be cursed."

At that moment, the twins shined a flashlight in Nekozawa's face. With a girlish scream of "Murderers!", he vanished back behind the door, closing it and stopping the dark aura from leaking into the room anymore.

Tamaki flipped out. "Hikaru! Kaoru! What's wrong with you two?" Tamaki gathered himself. "Obviously you haven't experienced real terror… like that time I accidentally stepped on Nekozawa-senpai's Beelzenef doll!"

The Hosts and some of the clients gathered around to listen.

"It was during the final exams last year. The doll had been dropped on the floor and when I took a step I crushed it with my shoe. The test I took immediately afterward had been enumerated with incomprehensible lettering, as though it had been cursed! Warily, I looked at those around me, but I knew none of them! I had shifted into an alternate dimension!" Tamaki shouted, overcome with terror just at the memory.

"How scary!" Honey cried.

Kyouya did not bother to look up from his folder. "That's because you were so scared you accidentally walked into the Greek exam by mistake."

Haruhi felt whatever superstitious belief had been building up disappear.

"No! It was a curse!" Tamaki refuted. "I know because when I woke up three days later my legs felt like lead? How do you explain that?"

"We had a marathon the day before," Kyouya said flatly.

The twins, meanwhile, had lost interest in the proceedings. They laid in chairs by the window. "Uh, I'm so bored," Hikaru whined.

"Isn't there anything fun to do around here?" Kaoru asked the heavens.

"Ne, Haruhi?" they asked.

"What is it?" she answered warily.

"The next day off we get…" Hikaru began.

"Can we come visit your place?" Kaoru finished.

Haruhi hesitated. Normally, she'd deny them flat out. Heaven knows the amount of teasing she'd get for her humble abode compared to the mansions her soulmates had grown up in. Still, they were her soulmates. "We should wait until everyone can come over. I wouldn't want any of you to think I'm showing preference over the others," was her eventual reply.

"But we want to see it first!" they protested.

Haruhi's eyes hardened. "Well, you'll just have to deal with it."

"Ah, Haruhi! Standing up to the twins! Daddy's very proud of you," Tamaki swooned.

"Cut it out with the 'Daddy' thing. It's creepy on all kinds of levels. Keep it up, and I'll stop talking to you," Haruhi threatened.

Tamaki literally zippered his mouth shut. Honestly, that guy.

The twins put on their hats. "Let's do it this way. If you win at the 'Which one is Hikaru-kun' game three times in a row, we'll wait until the whole Club can visit. If you lose just once, though, we get to come this weekend."

Before Haruhi could agree or disagree, the twins had already begun to switch places, back and forth, back and forth, before finally coming to a stop. "So, which one is Hikaru-kun?"

Haruhi resisted the urge to roll her eyes, pointing to the twin on the left and then the right. "You're Kaoru, and you're Hikaru."

"Bzzt! Wrong!" they called out.

Haruhi gave an exasperated grin. "No, I know I'm right. You two look alike, but you're very different."

The twins frowned. "Round 2!" They then began running all over the room. Spinning behind furniture, dodging around guests, moving everywhere like squirrels who'd just drunk one of those energy drinks. They came to rest at opposite sides of the room. "Which one is Hikaru-kun?"

"The one by the door," Haruhi said confidently.

They bristled. "Close your eyes!"

"That's not part of the rules."

"We invented the game! Close your eyes!"

Haruhi sighed, but played along. She reached up to cover them with her hands. Finally, she felt two presences at her back. "Which one is Hikaru-kun?" they asked, breathing into her ears with the barest of whispers.

"The one on my left. Now please don't get so close to me." Haruhi put down her hands and turned around. The twins were looking at her with bafflement.

The guests, whom had been watching with avid interest, gave a round of applause.

"Amazing!"

"Haruhi-kun looks with the eyes of his heart!"

"Say, Haruhi-kun," one of the girls asked, stepping up, "Once they cover which way they part their hair it's impossible to tell which one is Hikaru and which one is Kaoru. How do you tell them apart?"

Haruhi shrugged. "Lots of different ways. Their auras are different. Their voices are different. They use different shampoo and body wash so they smell different. Kaoru's teeth are a little off because he grinds them so much. Hikaru always puts his weight on his right leg. There're a hundred little differences between them. Anyone could notice them if they paid attention."

The twins were struck dumb. All their lives, they'd been indistinguishable to anyone but each other. That evil nanny from their childhood had assured them that there wasn't anyone in the world that could tell them apart from each other. They were interchangeable, the 'Hitachiin twins' instead of Hikaru and Kaoru. They were two sides of the same coin, yes, but each was his own man. They'd longed for someone to recognize that, anyone at all. Even their other soulmates, the Hosts, struggled to tell them apart. But now, at long last, there had come someone. Someone who knew each of them down to their little, unique quirks. Someone who had taken time to learn them, to see what made one distinct from the other. Someone who _knew_.

"You win," they said, drawing Hikaru's attention.

"We'll wait to visit," Hikaru admitted.

"But we _will_ be first in one respect," Kaoru insisted.

Haruhi tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

Quick as vipers, the twins surged forward. Despite their speed, they were gentle as the brush of rose petals as each placed a peck on one of Haruhi's cheeks.

Haruhi blushed.

The women screamed loud enough to crack the glass of the windows.

Tamaki went thermonuclear in rage.

Honey hid behind Mori.

Kyouya silently calculated the cost of the repairs.

And so, the twins were the first out of all the Hosts to lay their lips on Haruhi's skin.

* * *

 **And that's all I got. I could have had them do the fake fight, but it just didn't seem to fit. So hope these slim pickings are enough for you all. One week anniversary of this fic's publishing! I'm on a roll! Please, please, please review, even if to flame! Happy Autumn to the Northern Hemisphere and Spring to the Southern!**


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